Tag Archives: photo

1854. Lone tree

I was walking through the fields quite casually, just looking. I had my digital camera with me. The local Photography Society was holding a competition. The prize was a super-duper digital camera. The subject was “Trees”.

There were a number of categories, all to do with trees. There was a category for forests, one for lone trees, one for native trees, one for introduced species of tree, one for dead trees. There was also a category for a video of a tree, which I wasn’t going to enter because although I’d had my camera for quite a while, and the camera had the facility to take videos, I’d never got around to learning what buttons to press. The capturing of a video was beyond my technical ability!

I wasn’t having much luck photographing trees because there really were no interesting trees about. Suddenly, just above the gnarled top of an old cedar, as I was focusing, a fleet of alien space craft appeared. They were in convoy. I suppose there were six of them. I took as many photographs as possible; after all, my digital camera can take hundreds of photographs without getting full. The experience was thrilling!

That is the last thing I remember of that incident.

I awoke in the same field, in the same place. When I got home I discovered that a whole two months had passed; I had missed two months. Clearly I had not been lying unconscious in the field the whole of that time. The experience was disorienting; kind of wonky. I really didn’t know what to do; who to tell. If I told anyone of the experience they would smile and say “Yeah right” meaning I was talking nonsense. So I kept quiet about it.

When a little later I downloaded the photographs on my camera onto my computer (it was now too late to enter the competition) there were the photographs of the alien convoy I had seen. They were blurry as photos of alien craft always are. But as well as that there were seventeen clear photographs and a video that I had not taken myself.

Oh my word! Oh goodness gracious! I have never seen scenes so breath-taking. It was sheer beauty. It was indescribable. Here was my chance to show other people, and then perhaps my strange experience would be believed.

The first time I went to show the photographs they were no longer there; they had disappeared, on both my camera and computer. I can still see the wonder of those photos in my mind’s eye. Extraordinary! There can be no doubt that I was abducted. The aliens had clearly fiddled with the camera in perhaps a futile attempt to understand what the contraption was for.

Yesterday I got a phone call from the Photography Society asking when was I going to pick up the digital camera I had won? I can tell you, as honestly as the day is long, I never entered that competition. Ever.

1677. Stopping to recharge

When a fleet of alien spacecraft appeared over a hill outside Marco’s window, he was lucky enough to have his camera handy. Strangely, his camera jammed after the first shot was taken. It had never jammed before. However, all who saw the photograph agreed; it was the clearest snapshot to date of alien space craft.

These craft were more like flying bubbles than flying saucers. Extraordinary! One by one, in turn, each space craft settled on the electricity cables that swept down from the hilltop. Each craft would nestle on the wires for no longer than ten to fifteen seconds, and then would move to the side to allow the next bubble to, presumably, recharge.

When all was done, the fleet of craft came closer to Marco’s window, and while each bubble seemed to spin on its axis, the whole bunch twirled around like planets encircling a sun, and then… disappeared. It was as if they were saying goodbye to Marco. He was both excited, and more than a little bit moved, to have been chosen to be the witness to such an event. And, he added, they made a gentle whooshing sound.

Marco showed the photograph to his local member of Parliament who assured Marco it would be passed on to the appropriate experts. In the meantime, the photo on social media had gone through the roof.

About a week later the experts made an announcement: the photograph was fake. It had been tampered with by some graphics program. The bubbles were the result of manipulation. It was not a photograph of alien craft at all, but a humdrum picture fiddled with by a mindless idiot. Case settled.

Such an outcome was exactly what the aliens had intended.

1387. At the ready

It was a silly thing, but Talia always kept her cell phone charging on the ledge above the kitchen sink. This was just in case (and of course it would never happen) an alien space craft suddenly appeared over the horizon.

AND IT DID! IT DID!

Talia grabbed her phone to take a photo and, with slippery hands from doing the dishes, dropped the phone into the boiling hot soapy sink water.

The next thing the space craft landed on her lawn just outside the kitchen window. An alien stepped out. He handed Talia a brand new phone.

“This is to replace the phone you just dropped into the sink,” he said.

As she stood on the steps to wave goodbye to the departing space craft, Talia though, “What a nice alien. I should’ve offered him a saucer of milk or something.”

Poem 65: Chagrin and bare it

(A nonsense poem!)

God blessed me with bad teeth,
a whole mouthful.
That the few left are good for chewing
is somewhat douthful.

Shut up and look at the camera!
Watch the birdie! Smile! Say cheese!

I shall chagrin and bare it.

I s’pose I could suck soup
up through a straw.
That way there will be no need
to gnaw at awl.

Shut up and look at the camera!
Watch the birdie! Smile! Say cheese!

I shall chagrin and bare it.

The thing about gaps in the gums –
One can’t eat steak,
but then again there ain’t
no toofs to ache.

Shut up and look at the birdie!
Watch the camera! Smile! Say cheese!

I shall chagrin and bare it.

Poem 9: Back then

© Bruce Goodman 1 May 2015

9backthen

When I see a photo of me as a boy
I think
if only I’d thought differently

back then

I could’ve studied physics or french or latin
or other stuff for example
and played the violin or oboe or ukulele
or other stuff for example

apparently two roads diverged in a yellow wood
and maybe if I’d taken a more divergent trajectory
my poems would rhyme prop’ly
and scan

anyway if I had taken a contrary course
I’d probably see a photo of me as a boy
and think
if only I’d thought differently

back then