My name is Farmer McGregor. Some of you might know me from my appearance in Beatrix Potter’s The Tale of Peter Rabbit. I want to tell you of something rather strange that happened to me a few weeks back.
I’ve had a terrible time with rabbits in my garden. Contrary to popular belief, rabbits don’t like lettuce very much. They go first for most other things in my garden. They even dig up some root vegetables to nibble on. So I was sitting outside my garden shed with a loaded gun waiting for a rabbit to make an imprudent appearance.
Suddenly a man appeared. He said “Excuse me” and then introduced himself as Jack Smith. I could tell he was in disguise. His voice sounded like a computer. I could see through an open shirt button that it didn’t look like human skin, and when I noticed his hands I could tell they were some sort of artificial material.
“Excuse me,” he said again. “I wondered if I might get a collection of seeds from your lovely garden.”
“I can tell you are an alien from another planet,” I said. (I always call a spade a spade). “You are in disguise. What do you want the seeds for?”
“Yes, you are correct,” intoned the man. “I am from an exoplanet and wish to collect some earth seeds.”
“You want to take over our planet,” I said. With that I raised my rabbit gun and shot him dead. Bang! The man was a crumpled pile at my feet. I had saved Planet Earth.
When I went to investigate the body there was nothing there. There was simply a pile of clothes with nothing inside.
The next morning when I went out to my garden there was not a seed head in sight. The garden was stripped. Since then everything has shrivelled up and died. I had done my best, but our human species is gravely threatened by this war-hungry class of vicious aliens.