Author Archives: Bruce Goodman

About Bruce Goodman

My day is astronomically fantabulous, inordinately splendid, incredibly superb! Hope your day's not its usual crap.

1332. National icon

The fact that he was regarded as a national icon gave Dave a great deal of personal satisfaction.

As a seventeen year old, he had held a number of national swimming titles. He went on to become an extremely successful singer in a rock band, followed by years as a popular television compere. These days he was the founder and president of an international agency that brought hearing to impaired children all over the world.

Now if he could just escape this loony bin…

Poem 83: Under the influence of Ezra Pound

Let’s face it:
most people don’t have a clue
what Ezra Pound is talking about.
Quotiescumque manducamus panem hunc…
That doesn’t mean to say he’s not a great poet;
many who like Pound (who loved Hitler)
understand Pound’s poems, aren’t dumb,
and find his poems accessible.
I don’t.
Itis apis potanda bigone.

He’s such an intellectual.
All those different languages
and so many references to mythologies and stuff!
Cryptus rushes onward,
‘tis zucchinis for Louis-Marie Grignion de Montfort.
But look! Look! Listen!
He had a big influence on others, Eliot for example;
Eliot wrote about cats.
If I ended up in the same place I started
I’d know there was a wrong turn somewhere.
Quotiescumque manducamus panem hunc makes even a cat look academic.
Meow.

Methinks
the emperor has no clothes.
Itis apis potanda bigone.
…um …er …oh …
Itis apis potanda bigone.

1331. Deep in discussion

Serge and Jean-Paul sat at the back of the church hall deep in conversation. Serge’s philosophical perspective embraced the nihilism of a Camus, whereas Jean-Paul lent more to a philosophical stance that embraced a wider spectrum such as Plato and Kant and even Aquinas.

Serge and Jean-Paul were arguing, each from their philosophical perspective, about educational theory. Both agreed that the current school system needed overhauling, but both had quite differing views as to what should be done. They had been discussing it for nearly three hours, and sometimes quite vigorously.

Now that their wives had just finished putting away all the ranks of chairs and cleaning the church hall from top to bottom – windows and all – it was time to go home.

Music 157: Bird nesting

(Hi Everyone – am I the only one in the world getting 40/50 spam messages a day on WordPress that simply say “What?” I’m getting sick of it. And four times now, over the years, my comments have been usurped, and insulted people I follow (in some cases for years) by whoever the bastard is… I thought by ignoring it they would go away but they haven’t. And now this complaint will probably encourage them. Anyway, here’s today’s post…)

Bird nesting!

1330. Rats!

Jim insisted on getting rat poison. June had presented him with every argument she could think of to stop him, and now look what has happened.

“There’s a dirty rat in the shed,” said Jim. “I’m not having that.”

“The cat will get it,” said June. “It’s too expensive. We don’t have the money. It’s too dangerous. Some child might eat it. Anything could happen. We don’t need it. There’s nothing wrong with the occasional rat.”

June had always watched the pennies; Jim not so much. They were not well off. There was so much allotted for living expenses each week. There was little room for luxury, and in June’s mind rat poison was a luxury.

“There’s a dirty rat in the shed,” repeated Jim. “I’m not having that.” Rat poison was purchased.

“I told you it would happen,” said June. “Now there’s not enough money left in the bank account for me to get cigarettes.”

1329. The sound of silence

Twelve year old Stacey Cunningham’s rendition of Sometimes I Feel Like a Motherless Child was the clearly the highlight of the service held for Veterans yesterday, according to a spokesperson for the Veterans, who wished to remain anonymous. Since then, the committee has changed its tune.

Angelica Flopp thought that “the choice of song showed a great lack of sympathy for those present who may have been orphaned or lost a parent during the war. There was no need to rub it in.”

Billy Le Blanc agreed. “The song mentions religion, and it was most unsavoury having to listen to religious references when not everyone present was a believer. In fact, it was downright offensive to most of the audience who are either atheists or agnostics.”

As a result, the organizing committee have met and decided that next year, so as not to cause offense, all songs will be replaced with periods of silence.

1328. Which is which

Mr and Mrs Granville McLeod had twin boys – Jock and Jack. Jock was good-looking and sporty; as handsome as they come and a body like it had just popped out of Michelangelo’s modelling studio. Jack, on the other hand, had little going for him. He was slow, almost short of a couple of planks, pimply, slightly hunchbacked, skinny, and ugly-ish.

The girl down the road, Ingrid, fell desperately in love with muscular, handsome Jock.

“Let’s hope,” said Jock’s proud parents, “that you have fallen in love with his profound intellectual ability and not with the perfection of his body. One would be a manifestation of true love, and the other merely low-lying lust.”

To solve the mystery as to what aspect of Jock Ingrid admired the most, Mr and Mrs Granville McLeod cut off Jock and Jack’s heads and sewed them onto the wrong bodies.

“Now we will see,” said Jock’s proud parents, “whether Ingrid loves him for his body or his mind. Which one do you pick, Ingrid?”

Faced with such a challenge, Ingrid made an announcement.

“I have come to a decision. I shall marry neither because I could not face a life-time of such meddlesome parents-in-law.”