Tag Archives: story

1071. An important meeting

Malcolm was very capable but must have been the most tedious bore in the factory. He was in charge of the knitting and weaving. If you asked Malcolm a question he would drone on and on. And on.

Claus, the boss, asked Emile if he would discuss with Malcolm the timing of some knitting procedure.

“And get a three hour lecture on how to make a clock?” said Emile.

“I’ll tell you what,” said Claus, “we’ll both go together and tell him we have an important meeting to attend in quarter of an hour.”

So they did that, and they were only one hour twenty minutes late for their fictional meeting. However, they both now know how to make a clock.

1064. To change a lightbulb

Barney was just about to leave home for work when a lightbulb went pop. It was on his front porch, and since he would get home in the dark (it was winter) he grabbed a bulb from the cupboard and changed it.

He arrived at work (he was a school librarian). Upon arrival, just as he switched on his office light, the lightbulb went pop. What a lightbulb-popping day!

Barney went to see Dave, the school caretaker. Dave said that Barney would have to fill out an order form. The order form book was in the school office, but Sharon the secretary hadn’t arrived yet.

Thirty minutes later, when Sharon arrived, Barney filled out the order form. Sharon said it required the school principal’s signature but she was in a meeting at present. “Just leave it with me,” said Sharon helpfully, “and I’ll get her to sign it once the meeting’s finished.”

Two hours later, and still in a dark office, Sharon phoned to announce to Barney the conclusion of the principal’s meeting. All was signed!

Barney took the order form to Dave, and Dave said he was out of lightbulbs but would order some in. Dave went to see Sharon in the office to get an order form, but she was out to lunch. After lunch, Dave got a signed order form for a box of lightbulbs. Was anyone going into town so they could be picked up immediately, or should they be couriered out?

Robyn, the Head of English, said she wanted to go into town and she could pick them up. But was she going to get a travel allowance because she was using her own car and chewing up her own gas? Sharon said that if Robyn filled out the appropriate form and included an estimation of the distance then a travel allowance could be considered.

The next day the light bulbs still hadn’t arrived because the school Finance Committee met only on Thursdays and they had to approve all teachers’ travel allowances. Barney said he’d go into town on his own pocket and pick up the box of lightbulbs, but he was informed that it was school policy not to allow staff to pay for things themselves.

A week later, Barney was still in the dark and hadn’t done any work, but progress had been made. He had stealthily transported a lightbulb in his briefcase right into his office. He needed a ladder, so he went to see Dave. Dave wasn’t there, so Barney simply took the ladder from the shed.

Would you believe? Just as Barney was up four steps of the ladder, Amanda entered Barney’s office. Amanda was the school union representative. Indeed, she said, it’s alright to change your own lightbulb, but it is against health and safety regulations to be more than two steps up a ladder. You could fall down and do an injury. The school would then have to fork out untold money in compensation. And anyway, what was he doing with one of those lightbulbs that were no longer regarded as ecologically friendly?

Listen, dear reader! Something wonderful has happened! It’s been seven months now without the lightbulb, but the principal has promised it will be done by next Wednesday. Provided of course that…

1016. Emily’s alien dinner party

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Emily and her husband were among the first human beings to live on an exoplanet. There are so many of these exoplanets that I’ve quite forgotten its name. Anyway, it was perfectly suited to human conditions.

The planet was already inhabited by intelligent life. At first the aliens were a little taken aback that humans would wish to intrude on already occupied territory. Emily however made it her mission to dispel any fears the aliens might have. She invited the alien neighbours for a meal; a party to dissipate any grumblings and enable all to get to know each other better.

The aliens were going to be so easy to cater for. Emily simply had to supply water. What could be easier?

The guests arrived. Disaster followed! The aliens took their nourishment via photosynthesis. It was night time. Emily’s reconciliation party was a flop.

962. Number of words

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Killian made it a principle of life to write something every day. He would sit at his desk at the same time each morning and begin to type. Sometimes the words flowed; sometimes not.

These days he had become bored. He needed a new sort of challenge. He thought he would pick a number at random – something between ten and one hundred and fifty. Then he would write a story using that exact number of words.

For example, today’s story is eighty four words. Make that eighty five. Eighty nine. Ninety one. Ninety three.

Oh God! What a stupid thing to do. One hundred and seven eight nine

951. A nun’s story

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Listen children. In Rome, in one of the many beautiful churches there, in a golden box, there’s a little white feather. That feather fell off the wings of the Archangel Gabriel when he appeared to the Virgin Mary to announce the Incarnation.

Christians have venerated the feather for centuries. Quite recently a terrible man, an atheistic scientist, got hold of the feather and did a DNA test on it. He wanted to prove it was a feather off a chicken.

Well children, do you know what happened? It wasn’t a chicken’s DNA in the feather at all; it was the feather off a Brazilian duck. How the feather got there was anyone’s guess.

The terrible atheist was about to announce this when a gust of wind caught the feather he was holding in his hand and blew it back into the golden box. Then the horrible atheist dropped dead. It was a miracle!