Tag Archives: marriage

2598. War bride

When Ryan left for war Anna, his fiancée, was devastated. Every day she would wait for a tragic phone call or a knock on the door. He was a pilot on an aircraft carrier. Although he had not told her much of where he was or what he was doing, the letters were always warm and good humoured. He was, she guessed, based somewhere off the coast of Scotland.

They had talked of marriage before he left. They would be wed when he got back from the war. It wouldn’t be a big wedding; just family and a few friends. Anna planned it in detail. It took her mind off worry. She had told him in her last letter, perhaps they could get married in a garden. His sister could sing “Ave Maria”. The wedding feast, given the rationing during the war, would be lovely yet simple.

The war seemed to go on interminably. Then the fateful day came. There was a knock on the door. Ryan’s plane had been shot down. He was buried in Belgium. Anna was beyond grief. She vowed to be faithful to him all her life. He would be the only one. She was almost tempted to change her surname to his.

Two weeks later the Dear John letter written by Ryan before his death arrived in the mail.

2590. The patio proposal

Lucas certainly wanted his marriage proposal to Elizabeth to be special. He wanted it to be a surprise. He wanted it to be romantic. He wanted it to be everything that Elizabeth had ever dreamed of.

This proposal had taken weeks, nay months, of thought and planning, but at last he had decided. He would wait until the wisteria was fully in flower (Elizabeth loved wisteria), set up a romantic table for two on the patio (Elizabeth loved outside dining), have Bach’s Brandenburg Concertos playing quietly in the background (Elizabeth loved Bach), and then he would go down on one knee with the engagement ring and pop the question. She was coming for dinner this very evening.

There was a knock on the door. It was Elizabeth.

“You’re early!” said Lucas. “Come through! Come through! We’re having dinner on the patio at the back of the house. You look as beautiful as ever!”

“Look,” said Elizabeth, “I’ve come early to say our relationship is over. I’m calling it off.”

2586. Putting up the Christmas tree

Darling, do you want the Christmas tree over in front of the window?

We had it in front of the window last year. What about over there in that corner?

We’d have to move the sofa.

We can always move the sofa back. Just give it a push. No, it doesn’t look right. Move the sofa back. What about that corner over there?

There’s no electric plug for the Christmas tree lights. I suppose we could do without lights this year. A change is as good as a holiday.

No Christmas tree lights! Goodness me. You’re so negative. Why are you so negative about things? I make a suggestion and you run me down. I only suggested we put the tree over there and you attack me.

I didn’t attack you. I just said there was no way to run a cable for the lights.

You said you didn’t want lights on the tree. We can’t have a tree without lights.

I never said that. I said there was no electricity outlet.

I’ve a better idea.  Why don’t we change the whole room around just for Christmas? Put the dining table and chairs over there. Move the sofa and armchairs here, with the television against that wall, and then the Christmas tree can go where the dining table was. Just move them, dear, and we’ll see.

Phew! That was a lot of hefty stuff!

No. It doesn’t feel right. Put the things back, dear. What say we put the tree in front of the window like last year? It looked good. I don’t know why you wanted to change it.

2572. A lonely day

The Police Officer knocked on Mason’s door.

Come in, Officer. Come in. Take a seat. To be honest, today has been the loneliest day of my life. My wife left me – permanently she said – around 9.30 this morning. Walked  out. Just like that. As far as I can ascertain she didn’t even take a change of clothes. A car – I don’t have a clue whose it was – pulled up at the curb. Iris got in and the car drove off. That is all I know.

After she had gone I didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t had breakfast so I had breakfast. Of course I didn’t eat much as I wasn’t hungry, but they say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so I had a couple of pieces of toast with marmalade. Actually only one had marmalade. I had honey on the second one.

I then walked down the street with her bankcard. She didn’t take it, but I wanted to check if she had used it and maybe we could find out where she had gone to. When I checked on the card all the money had been taken out. Not a dime left. Obviously she had planned to leave me. I knew the bank teller, and she told me that the money had been taken out yesterday.

Yes, Officer. I’d be happy for you to make a report for a missing person, although she left freely and I suppose it is a bit of a misnomer to call her missing. A walked-out walked-off report would be better, if you make such a thing.

Thank you for coming around Officer. May I see you to the door?

The Officer left. Thank goodness he didn’t think to  look under the bed.

2562. Can you pick me up?

Benjamin was not a happy-chappie when he saw where Nora his wife had been on the computer. No wonder she spent hours sitting and “just watching a movie”. Movie indeed!  Nora had caught the bus to Woodsville, a neighbouring town, to visit an old school friend. An old school friend indeed! That’s not what the emails on the computer said. This Mateo in Woodsville seemed quite a heart throb.

A text arrived on Benjamin’s phone. It was from Nora. She had missed the bus so could he come the several miles and pick her up? She would begin to walk, but it could take several hours.

Off Benjamin went. He picked Nora up and they returned home. Now he had a problem: what to do with the body?

2479. Carolyn’s propensity

Carolyn had every reason to celebrate. She phoned up the most expensive restaurant in town and booked a table for one.

It had taken a few years to achieve her goal, and at last it had happened. Her marriage to widower Clifford was her second marriage. Some thought she had married for money. Clifford was a multi-millionaire, mainly through inheritance from his rich parents. He was much older than Carolyn. She had presumed he would hold on for a few years and then upon his sad demise she would inherit the fortune.  He had very much kept financial control in the marriage, and now… yippee!

For two years Carolyn had replaced Clifford’s blood-thinning pills with placebos. The pills were to prevent a stroke; and now a stroke had happened, and a serious one at that. He hadn’t died but he was rendered unable to help himself. He was put into permanent care. It couldn’t have worked out better for Carolyn; his pension would still come in. It wasn’t enough to live on, but over and above the huge amount of interest from his riches the small government pension was simply the icing on the cake. Carolyn would devote his pension to the purchase of knick-knacks – and dining out.

And what a lovely evening she had! The meal was superb. The restaurant was splendid. The service was exceptional. She would definitely return at a later date. It would be the perfect place to bring Ricardo. Ricardo was a widower. He was a multi-millionaire and much older than Carolyn.

2441. Put the pieces together

Ketty had always wanted to attempt a jigsaw; a big one with a thousand pieces. The trouble was that the only bench top big enough to work on was the dining table. It’s not as if Ketty could lay the jigsaw out repeatedly between meals.

Of course Seth, her husband, thought the jigsaw was a wonderful idea. He’d grab any chance he could to eat his meals in an armchair in front of the TV, but Ketty insisted they sit properly at the dining table at least for the evening meal.

That is why Seth gave Ketty a thousand piece jigsaw for her birthday. Ketty was delighted. They would eat their meals in front of the TV until the jigsaw was finished. The jigsaw was of a pretty bridge over a pretty stream banked with pretty flowers – and a couple of ducks.

A month had passed and there were still six pieces left on the table and nine spaces.

“There are pieces missing,” declared Ketty. “And the six remaining pieces don’t seem to belong to the jigsaw.”

“At least we get to eat in front of the tele until the jigsaw is finished,” Seth said. He looked amused and unsurprised.

Anyway, Ketty later cleared the jigsaw off the table. She needed the table space for refreshments and cups of coffee to serve the mourners after they had attended Seth’s funeral.

2394. Job done

It was a dark and stormy night. Caitlin went out into the garden to find the cat. Caitlin had just had an argument with Milton, her husband. She had told him he spent too much time at the pub. In the course of the “conversation” quite a few regrettable statements were uttered. “I hope you die,” said Milton.

Caitlin had just spied her cat in the garden when a tree fell over in the wind. It pinned Caitlin to the ground. She was unable to move. With a slight lull in the storm Caitlin was able to call for help. Milton appeared.

Milton went into the shed to get his chainsaw. After he’d finished with the chainsaw he got in the car and went to the pub.

2386. The time is tripe

Brenda’s husband, Colm, detested tripe; whereas Brenda loved it. It was Brenda who did most of the cooking, which is why Colm was subjected to a meal of tripe at least once a month.

Brenda hadn’t moved an inch in the fourteen years they had been married. At first, love overruled any tripe-dislike on Colm’s part. He heartily consumed it. But such action grows thin and now it was a massive monthly chore and had been that way for a dozen or so years. Indeed the marriage had grown decidedly rocky.

Brenda had always worked the night shift at the factory, which meant she would prepare a meal before leaving for work. From Colm’s point of view this was a blessing as he didn’t have to pretend to enjoy eating the tripe. However, he was a waste-not-want-not sort of guy so even though he detested tripe he forced himself to eat it. It wasn’t going to kill him and it was only once every four weeks or so.

It was Colm’s detestation of tripe that prompted Brenda to use the dish when she decided to poison her husband. He so disliked the taste that he would gulp it down, poison and all, with a grimace. The stage was set. Brenda went off to work.

Fourteen years of disgusting tripe is enough. Colm took his dish of tripe outside and buried it in the garden. As Anita from up the road said to Colm in the motel that evening: “Thank goodness you’ve at last taken a stand against that conniving, tripe-cooking lowlife. When tomorrow we begin to setup shop together I shall cook you a mean jellied eel.”

2307. The case of Estelle

Ernest had married for money. Sure, he loved Estelle, but it was her riches he was more attracted to. Not that she minded. She was born a billionaire and being legally married meant she wasn’t chased all the time for her money once she had been caught. Ernest served a useful purpose.

Over time affection slowly deepened. But Ernest was the jealous sort, and he became suspicious of Estelle. Was she having an affair? Where was she going when she went out? Why was she sometimes gone for hours?

He decided to have her followed. What was discovered amazed Ernest. He was gobsmacked.

Unfortunately I am not at liberty to reveal what it was. Let’s just say that Ernest knew enough to plan a fatal accident.