1578. Heather’s blueberry muffins

Heather Green wasn’t exactly disliked at school. She wasn’t much liked either. In fact, she was a bit of a nobody. If a teacher said to a student “Take Heather Green and go get the bag of basketballs” most students would say “Who’s Heather Green?”

She wasn’t horrible. Nor was she Ms Personality. It’s just that she wasn’t very self-confident. When the class messed around a bit she would sit there and smile but wouldn’t take part. It wasn’t that she was prudish or anything; she was just a bit scared to let herself go.

Anyway, everyone in the class, boys and girls, had one hour a week when they attended a cooking class. It was very exciting because the cooking teacher announced towards the end of the year that they were going to have a party. They could make whatever they wanted (at home) and bring it to school for the celebration. Well! If there was one thing Heather Green knew she could do was make blueberry muffins. She had made them dozens of times at home. They were moist! They were tasty! They were perfect! Heather went home and baked the most delightful batch of blueberry muffins the world had ever seen! She arranged them in a basket with a red and white chequered cloth. In fact she could have been mistaken for Little Red Riding Hood if she had been seen skipping through a forest; and if they were, in fact, the best blueberry muffins in the world that Little Red Riding Hood had in her basket.

Heather quietly left her basket of muffins on the common table. When it came time to eat, Heather’s muffins were horrible. They tasted yuck. It was the only time her blueberry muffins hadn’t turned out right.

Yuck Heather. What a loser. Who’s Heather?

22 thoughts on “1578. Heather’s blueberry muffins

    1. Bruce Goodman Post author

      I don’t know – it is well-nigh impossible to make a mess of blueberry muffins – I was making some at the time of writing the story – so perhaps I should’ve used a recipe in the story with a bit more likelihood to fail.

      Reply
  1. arlingwoman

    It does seem that things fail when you’re going to give them to someone else. Maybe it was a case of hubris. The gods would do that. Kick someone when they were down.

    Reply
    1. Bruce Goodman Post author

      It’s stress!! I remember making a winter soup for the teachers (it was a weekly teachers’ thing: don’t bring lunch on Thursday as we’ll take turns to cook something for all). It was a soup (Indian) I’d done dozens of times, but in the end the soup was “alright” but nothing like I usually made for myself.

      Reply
  2. Nitin

    Heather later went on to become part of the goth subculture. She got her stomach, eyebrows, ears and nose pierced; wore black lipstick and grungy outfits. She started shooting crap into her veins and died miserable and alone. Who’s Heather? Whatever happened to those blueberry muffins? Well, those are lines from a song by a post punk, noise rock, acid jazz fusion band with Celtic metal influences. You can’t make out most of the lyrics because they scream it out, but for whatever it’s worth, that’s the only trace of poor Heather that remains. Such is life Bruce. Such is life. Great story btw. The red riding hood bit was a touch of gold.

    Reply
    1. Bruce Goodman Post author

      Loved the description of Heather the Goth. But wasn’t that Little Red Riding Hood? Actually, I think I’m getting confused; it was Goldilocks. No, Sleeping Beauty. I get so muddled; that black lipstick makes them all look the same.

      Reply
      1. Nitin

        It was Baldilocks with wisps of pink hair, and nicotine stained teeth. She wears black lipstick and makes a swearing 50 cent look like a muppet.

        Reply
          1. Nitin

            You’re marked Bruce. I’d say run but there is no escape unless you kill her off in one of your stories!

            Reply

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