1960. A standing ovation

Ricky was in his last year before going to High School. And what a thrill it was when he was selected to play the lead in the school‘s annual stage production!

He was to play a pirate. Short Tom Paddy was the King of the Pirates. Ricky would have a patch over an eye and wear a head scarf and have a parrot on his shoulder. Not a real parrot of course, because who would want a real parrot to fly off into the audience during a performance? But a stuffed parrot; a fluffy toy parrot.

Mr. Adams the teacher said to Ricky, “Ask your mother to bake half a dozen muffins”. Parents were always keen to help out with props and the like. In fact, since it was a little country school the whole population attended such concerts and everyone got involved. It was a community exercise! And so Ricky’s mother gladly baked some muffins, and arranged them on a fancy plate.

The performance began. Everyone was there – except for old Mrs. Leach who had a patch of the gout and couldn’t attend. There, sitting on a table in the middle of the stage, were Ricky’s mother’s muffins. The girl playing the part of the Captured Princess said, “Help yourself to a muffin, Pirate Short Tom Paddy”, and so Ricky grabbed a muffin and began to eat. It was dry and solid. After all, the muffins were over a week old. It took a good four minutes to finish the muffin, and the Princess said her line: “I see you have eaten all six muffins.”

“No I haven’t,” said the pirate, “I’ve still got five to go.”

It must have taken twenty minutes for Ricky to finish all six muffins. With every bite, with every chew, the audience became more and more helpless with laughter.

“I see you have eaten all six muffins,” repeated the Princess.

Ricky’s efforts got a standing ovation. It was the most enjoyable production in years!

1578. Heather’s blueberry muffins

Heather Green wasn’t exactly disliked at school. She wasn’t much liked either. In fact, she was a bit of a nobody. If a teacher said to a student “Take Heather Green and go get the bag of basketballs” most students would say “Who’s Heather Green?”

She wasn’t horrible. Nor was she Ms Personality. It’s just that she wasn’t very self-confident. When the class messed around a bit she would sit there and smile but wouldn’t take part. It wasn’t that she was prudish or anything; she was just a bit scared to let herself go.

Anyway, everyone in the class, boys and girls, had one hour a week when they attended a cooking class. It was very exciting because the cooking teacher announced towards the end of the year that they were going to have a party. They could make whatever they wanted (at home) and bring it to school for the celebration. Well! If there was one thing Heather Green knew she could do was make blueberry muffins. She had made them dozens of times at home. They were moist! They were tasty! They were perfect! Heather went home and baked the most delightful batch of blueberry muffins the world had ever seen! She arranged them in a basket with a red and white chequered cloth. In fact she could have been mistaken for Little Red Riding Hood if she had been seen skipping through a forest; and if they were, in fact, the best blueberry muffins in the world that Little Red Riding Hood had in her basket.

Heather quietly left her basket of muffins on the common table. When it came time to eat, Heather’s muffins were horrible. They tasted yuck. It was the only time her blueberry muffins hadn’t turned out right.

Yuck Heather. What a loser. Who’s Heather?

1510: Savoury Muffins

Review 1: This muffin recipe is not my favourite. I made the muffins because the recipe was given five stars out of five. I left the sugar out because quite frankly there is no place for sugar in a savoury recipe. I usually detest garlic but I used it here because of the five stars. It destroyed any redeeming features the recipe might have had. I can still taste it. Yuk! I also omitted the mozzarella cheese. It’s not the type of thing the average household keeps in their fridge so naturally I couldn’t use it, but I replaced it with blue vein that was about to go off, so it was good to find a use for it. An elderly aunt had left the revolting stuff here when she visited last Christmas. All in all, a big disappointment.

Review 2: What a delightful recipe! I left out the flour because my son has an allergy. I also omitted the rosemary and the baking powder, but I added a well-beaten egg white to a packet of marsh mellows and baked it like a meringue. This muffin recipe is so light and airy.

Review 3: Your recipe called for two teaspoons of baking powder. I was out of baking powder at the time so I used baking soda instead and increased the amount to four tablespoons. Does the person who runs this recipe blog ever try the recipes before they are posted? This one would have failed the test. I might as well have had a fizzy drink. It’s pathetic. And to think the recipe has five stars.

Review 4: I began with your recipe, but this recipe website runs so many popup ads. I didn’t realize that another recipe altogether had “popped up” and I used that to make the things. Hubby loved them, although he did wonder why there were so many chicken bones in the muffins.

Review 5: Honestly, we should have been warned. My son came home from school and asked who had been vomiting. It was that Parmesan cheese in the muffins cooking in the oven. It flooded the house with its stench. The whole family refused to even take a nibble. I don’t blame them. The chickens loved them, although I noticed that one or two of them seem to have gone off the lay.

Review 6: Why are people so negative in their comments? When I was brought up my parents demanded respect and courtesy. These days anything goes. I wouldn’t be at all surprised to see swearing used in some of the recipes these days. I had an uncle who swore like a trooper but he’s dead now. His wife, my aunt, has since remarried and lives in Anchorage. They have terrible winters in Alaska. I wouldn’t live there if you paid me, and nor would my daughter who is finishing off her degree at university.