1866. The final meal

Troy Meadowcroft had waited on death row for what seemed like an eternity. He was due to be put down (in a merciful and humane way) any day now. The newspapers were full of it. The guests to witness his electrocution had been invited and were currently selecting what to wear before heading in that direction, looking at last to be able to avenge their loved ones murder.

One of the more interesting features reported on was the prisoner’s final meal. One could order (within reason) what one wished. Troy had never liked complicated food. He requested simply pork sausages and French fries with splashes of malt vinegar and salt.

Letter One: I was amazed at the reported menu of Troy Meadowcroft prior to his execution. You would think humanity would have dragged itself out of the swamp by now. Pork sausages and French fries! How irresponsible is that for the prison to allow (in fact espouse) such unhealthy food? Are there no principles left when the prison authorities care not a hoot about prisoners’ health? And all that salt! Goodness me!

Letter Two: My religion forbids the imbibing of hog meat. I was horrified at the casual attitude taken by giving the prisoner pork sausages, as if such things didn’t matter. It was nothing short of scandalous. It was an affront to all sincere believers. And to feed a prisoner pig meat when so close to death is an instant invitation to the fires of Hell. I was deeply offended.

Letter Three: I couldn’t help but think that the man called Troy Meadowcroft who was put down recently had a touch of class. No one these days thinks of putting malt vinegar on their pork sausages. It is delicious, and something we used to do frequently when we were younger. Three cheers to the prisoner, and I would wish him a long and fruitful existence of enjoying life’s simple things if that was still possible.

Letter Four: Quite frankly I hope the prisoner choked on his pork sausage. The combination of foods looked disgusting – especially the salt and malt vinegar. I’m normally against the death penalty but in this case I’ll make an exception. The world is certainly better off without him and probably safer. People these days, especially those with money, have no sense of taste. Like my auntie.

Letter Five: What a waste of good food. People don’t seem to realize that people are starving and all we hear about is how a prisoner about to expire anyway is fed pork sausages and French fries. If only they had electrocuted the man a few minutes earlier, and then all that lovely food could have been shared by people in need. Waste not, want not.

Letter Six: Electrocution and lethal injection for condemned prisoners is nothing short of the authorities taking the easy way out. In the old days when we lined people up against a wall to get shot I would imagine you could see the terror in their eyes. They were paying properly for their crime. Regarding the final meal; wouldn’t it have been funny if instead of pork sausages they had stuffed cotton wool inside the sausage skins? Then the man would start to hoe into his final meal and it would all be fake. And use garden fertilizer instead of salt. And French fries made out of chicken poo or something hilarious like that. Stuff like that. You know.

Editor: This correspondence is now closed.

24 thoughts on “1866. The final meal

  1. João-Maria

    It’s funny how Troy’s last meal was the death penalty of another living being.
    It does make you think about animal ethics, I thus agree that the sausages should have been human flesh.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
      1. João-Maria

        I have all manners of vinagre: cider vinegar, balsamic vinegar, malt vinegar, apple vinegar. I think a true artist does not consume astringent things, since sweetness is a fount of Art.

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
        1. Cloven Ruminant Post author

          Aristotle said friends are not friends until they’ve eaten a sackful of salt together. And I’d tip salt and vinegar all over my sausage rather than sweet tomato sauce! (Which is my problem!)

          Liked by 2 people

          Reply
  2. umashankar

    Letter 6 I am certain it has been said before, but it is worth inscribing on the face of the stinking practice of asking the murderer his choicest last food. Did he ask the victim his choice of the last food? Did he give the victim a last chance?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
      1. badfinger20 (Max)

        And a commone name of a French Poodle and it was a common name of sheltered rich ladies or teenagers…hey…I was reaching. To achieve greatness you have to go for it all.

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
    1. Cloven Ruminant Post author

      Thanks! The early Western “Desert Fathers” – those early AD hermits who lived in isolation – always said “Have no opinion”. I think it’s rather wise!

      Like

      Reply

I delight in having my dull life coloured by your intelligent perceptions, your wit, and your vivacity.

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