Yeah. Well. I was sitting unobtrusively in the corner of this pub having a think and having a quiet drink and smoking a cigarette which I had just taken up again after eleven years off them. And this guy comes up to me and says, hey, have you ever thought of doing something useful with your life?
And I say, yeah, like what?
And he says, I dunno. Get married and have kids and do something useful, instead of smoking and drinking on your own in a corner.
And I say I’ve got a wife and kids already.
And he says, well how come they’re not here or at least your wife? She might enjoy a night out.
So I stood up and socked him the biggest punch on his jaw I could muster. He fell down and I kicked him in the crotch and left.
Some people don’t know how to mind their fucking business.
See? That is what you get for hanging out in the kind of bars when people take risks by asking questions like that.
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I’m very surprised you would know that!!
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To be fair, he was asking for that…
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Probably they both were!
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Moral of the story: wearing a military grade crotch-guard is a must if you are serious about your fucking business in bars.
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I shall take that advice to heart!
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Yeah. I once raced to the rescue of a man who was lying on the ground outside a pub having his head kicked in. The assailant disappeared into the pub. The man still had his hands over his face. “It’s all right, he’s gone”, said I. “Fook off”, said the wretch. So I did.
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!!!! I hope it wasn’t me!
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I doubt you have a Newark accent
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Accents were never my strong point!
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