2675. Body bumps

And so Miss Seychelles, you are one of two remaining contestants in the race to become Miss World. If you won what would you do?

I would bring about world peace. I would do away with orphanages and find homes for everyone. I would neutralize the entire world’s nuclear weaponry. I would encourage young people to follow their fortune cookies. I would promote responsibility when it comes to caring for our planet, and do away with cows, sheep, goats, gas stoves, and every other living creature that breaks wind. I would clear the streets of poor people and help them overcome their addictions by giving them their drugs of choice. I would insist that everyone wear a mask.  I would do away with the police force, and close prisons so that we could all live together as one family. I would abandon all notions of borders between countries. Why can we not live in peace? I would make abortion free, if not compulsory, for all Black people. I would…

Thank you. That’s lovely Miss Seychelles. I do hope you win, although most of what you have said has already been achieved. And what for you has been the most exciting part of the Miss World Event?

For me the most exciting part has been acceptance from my fellow competitors. I purposely transferred my gender to female for the occasion. And it’s wonderful to see that the two remaining finalists are both transgender. I’ll give you an example of how accepting people have been. I was permitted to wear men’s speedos instead of a bikini bottom because we should always leave all options open; so I never went through with the operation. I know it looks a bit silly in speedos with a bikini top but people get used to it. I always tell them that they’re just body bumps. Get over it.

Thank you, Miss Seychelles. You are history in the making.