My name is Ruth, although everyone calls me Roly-Poly because I’m as wide as I am high. I’ve always been called that. I take it as a term of endearment; an affectional nomenclature. Even some of my teachers at school, years ago, called me Roly-Poly. I have a cheerful disposition, although I’m a little nervous about what I am going to tell you now. I tell you in the greatest confidence.
Yesterday my husband died. It was very sudden. One minute he was standing in front of the pop-up toaster at breakfast and the next minute he was as dead as a dodo. My first reaction was to break into laughter. I couldn’t believe it. I was shocked and I laughed hysterically. All the neighbours would have heard. If they were furtively watching the Who-ever-it-was take my husband’s corpse away they would have heard me shrieking with laughter.
I’ve been laughing all day. I can’t seem to stop, and I have to pretend it’s a nervous reaction brought about by grief or whatever. But that is not the case.
Only the day before he dropped dead he announced that he wanted a divorce. He was leaving me, and taking half of the stuff. The thing he wanted the most was the grandfather clock. That clock was my grandmother’s. It was really mine, not his. It is truly a magnificent and priceless heirloom. Only a week ago, when I came home from work, this stylish saleswoman was in the front room trying to sell my husband furniture polish. She thought the grandfather clock was an irreplaceable antique.
All in all, my husband’s demands were quite clueless; he wanted half the pots and pans, half the furniture, half of this and half of that. Why would he want half of my jewellery? He had it all worked out in his head.
And now he’s dead and it’s all mine! That’s why I’m laughing. I can’t help it. It is Fate; Fate with a little help from a loose wire in the pop-up toaster.
He did get the toaster…in a matter of speaking.
I think I may know the inspiration for this one.
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Yes – I wrote it straight after our conversation!
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The journey more than the destination made it a worthwhile read.
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Thank you! You’re back! I was (almost) getting worried.
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I will be occupied this whole of February.
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Well I hope you get well paid! It’s a short month – although a leap year.
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As it turns out, money keeps eluding me.
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Same here.
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Congrats on the grandfather clock Roly-Poly. If you can’t consult an electrician before breakfast may I suggest eating out?
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I think she may have fiddled with the toasters wires herself before breakfast!
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This is based loosely on a real story, I think I remember you saying.
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Only the laughter – my neighbour hysterical with laughter after her boyfriend dropped dead at the front door.
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With shock?
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Judging from their very loud conversation about sex prior to his death I suspect the laughter had little to do with shock!
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This is getting intriguing. He was a young lad? She had laughed, but hadn’t noticed he’d collapsed?
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No no they were middle aged. He was shouting at her that she was just a “f***bag” and he dropped dead.
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Ouch, that’s terrible. I kinda get why she was laughing now, but still that’s a harsh punishment.
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