745. Driving home


Garth frequently imbibed too much booze, especially if he was at a party. Don’t get me wrong; he was responsible. He wouldn’t drive himself home if he’d had a drink. He always got someone to drive him.

“Just a couple of miles,” he’d say. “Here, take my car keys and drive me home.”

He was always very grateful.

“Just stop here,” he’d say. “This is right where I live. This is my house. But wait! How will you get back yourself? It’s too far to walk. Let me drive you back.”

And he would.

45 thoughts on “745. Driving home

    1. Bruce Goodman Post author

      Thanks! I hope the narrator didn’t sound as subtly drunk as Garth! It’s a complaint as one gets older, but since having had 7 teeth removed just on a year ago I cannot get rid of the hissssss. I’ve turned into a ssssnake!

            1. Oscar Alejandro Plascencia

              The phrase “get stuffed” hardly qualifies as Sailor talk. And number 36 is all about Teatime. Unless if course the sailor drinking that tea burns his mouth and all his cursing is drowned out halfway through the song, where we hear the ruckus he causes in breaking a the china!

          1. Cynthia Jobin

            I think of it as playing the role of his character(s). Somehow if it were Bruce himself using that language, (as I’m sure he does, on occasion) I bet it would sound different.

            1. Bruce Goodman Post author

              My only public outcry was in a music class of about ten eighteen year old males, and they were studying Ravel’s “Introduction and Allegro For Harp, Flute, Clarinet and String Quartet” and during the soft bit Jonathan Caldwell talked and I said “You just gone and f**ked the moment” and after that whenever the soft bit was played the whole class used to cry out “You just gone and f**ked the moment”. Thank goodness I never lost my job 😦

        1. Bruce Goodman Post author

          Sorry I haven’t been about – I’ve been re-planting my tomatoes. And I did use a vulgar word once – my parents never swore – Dad only said “bloody” and Mum only said “bugger”.

          1. Cynthia Jobin

            Glad to hear you are once again on top of your tomatoes! I can swear a blue streak if I’m really angry or frustrated, but only if no one else is around! 🙂 My grandfather was a very creative curser, in French….his epithets were a mile long and always started with “JC on a raft…” and went on from there. In his later years he had a stroke and could not speak at all except for the word F*** which he uttered loud and clear. He never swore in the presence of women….(tho of course we often overheard him, in the next room…)

  1. arlingwoman

    In my younger days there was someone like this, except he always asked women and didn’t expect them to find there way on afterward. I remember the look on his face at one party when I said, “Oh of course. Erich can drive you home and I’ll follow in the car…” He never asked for my assistance again, but by that time, most people were on to him.


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