No sooner had I hung up the phone then there was a knock at the door. The phone call had been from the local supermarket saying I had won a $500 grocery voucher for entering a competition to write a jingle advertising spaghetti. The money would be put automatically on my supermarket card. Of course I was excited, because I was practically skint, and then came the knock on the door.
There stood a man and a woman who said “Congratulations!” I said “What for?” and they said I’d won a car. Well I was completely over the moon because to be honest I hadn’t had a car for eighteen months. The last one had died – utterly died – and I had been unable to replace it even with a beaten up old bomb.
Well, I got into my car as soon as those people had gone and went off to the supermarket to get some much needed things and a couple of not so important things like some chocolate and some coconut cookies. They say things come in threes! No sooner had I stepped out of my car at the supermarket than I was approached by a woman, I’m guessing around about fiftyish.
She said “Good morning!” and I answered “Good morning” and then she said, “Excuse me, I don’t mean to barge in but…”
“But would you like a house? I was recently diagnosed with a terminal problem and the only thing I care about in the world are my chickens. If you would like my house when I go you can have it provided you care for my chickens.”
Goodness! My first thought was coq au vin, which is what you can do with tough old chickens, but I said out loud instead, “Goodness! What a fabulous thing! Of course I will see to your chickens!”
So the woman arranged to meet with who-ever-it-was to officially hand things over, and when I got out of the car this man approached and said that he’d just won forty-eight million in the lottery and he knew it would destroy his family, so would I like the ticket? I said I had little or no family to destroy, so he gave me the ticket.
The handover of the house went without a glitch, and I’ll sell the house once the old lady kicks the bucket. On the way out of the building there was an old guy asking for money, probably for drink like always, so I said “Get a job you last lazy slob instead off bleeding off other people.” I like to tell it like it is. Some people would take the shirt off your back if you gave them half a chance.
How was the earthquake at your place?
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It felt quite bad and went on and on! Even the dog barked! I trust you are safe and well!
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Just a little shake in Nelson. Keep safe!
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Oh no! Hope you’re ok.
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All is fine thanks. Earthquakes in New Zealand are sort of part of life. I can see a volcano out my office window!!
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That’s awesome! I love New Zealand. So glad there wasn’t an earthquake when I visited though. (I’m a coward. Prefer Irish earthquakes, where the windows just rattle like a big truck has gone by on the road).
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The problem with an earthquake is that you never know if it’s the start or the end!
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I haven’t seen anything on the news about the earthquake, I do hope there wasn’t a lot of damage in your country.
Now, if there was ever a fella who deserved a nasty ending, it was this one.
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The quake was out at sea and sort of rattled a good lot of the country – but no damage from what I hear – apart from some supermarket shelves. Perhaps I should have a supermarket shelf fall on today’s story just to teach him a jolly good lesson.
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You alright Bruce? It just popped while I was surfing.
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Yes fine thanks Max. New Zealand is known as The Shaky Isles – so you get used to it! (Actually I never get used to it – I think I’m going to die every time there’s a shake!)
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Good glad you are ok other than your dog barking….
Sounds like California…
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California without its Governor!
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Hard work and dedication will always get you to the top. That and telling it like it is.
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Yet sometimes there’s no lucky break…
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True.
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Goodness, I saw your PM on video today, saying you were having a quake. It was a 5.something, I heard. We had one of those here a few years back (well, 9, now) and it was 5.4 or something and I thought I was going to die. Ran straight out of the house and joined a group of neighbors in the courtyard who had done the same thing. Now this guy in the story, goodness. He should get a bit of a brick flying off a building, eh?
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Ha ha! Re the flying brick. The earthquake doesn’t seem to have caused any damage – but it was enough for me to go stand under the door frame which apparently is safer than standing in the middle of a room. It went on for about a minute I thought.
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Gaaa. I’ve never understood that stand in a door frame thing.
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I think if the roof caves in you’re standing under a solid structure in the door frame.??
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I was told by a Californian that the door frame is the most sturdily constructed part of the house.
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Yes – my father built a number of houses and we were always taught to stand under the door frame. Never run outside because you’ll get hit my falling bricks and glass! Both my parents were in earthquakes that killed hundreds of people.
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If the roof caves in, you have bigger problems than a door frame is going to solve…
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Like trying to find the instant coffee!
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Or your way out.
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Your character has shone by the end of the story in all his mean-spirited glory. I just loved the end.
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Thanks Uma. I liked the way his good luck got sillier and sillier!
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For a while I thought it was a grand set up or something till I reached the end.
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He might do well to remember that sometimes your luck changes.
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Too true!
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Haha! Unfortunately true. However, I disagree. Chocolate is essential!
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If you say chocolate is not essential you can pretend you didn’t buy any and have it all to yourself.
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I like your thinking!
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And the lazy slob is the last guy who won 48 million, and let it all slip through his fingers….
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That’s an aspect I never considered! Very true!
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