Tag Archives: waterfall

2018. DIY murder

Everything costs money, and when Deidre discovered how much it was going to cost to have her husband murdered she decided to do it herself.

She knew that even a DIY murder was going to cost money. Fortunately she had a little nest egg stashed away which she had built up over time for this precise purpose. This murder wasn’t a spur of the moment thing. Now, where was I?

For starters, she had to purchase a gun. You can’t go and shoot someone using a gun you’ve just borrowed off a friendly neighbour. They might begin to suspect, especially since they lived next door. But Deidre didn’t want to go through all the hassle of getting a licence and goodness knows what. She would have to get her gun from some cheap outfit in a back alley.

Then there was the business of corpse disposal. These professional hitmen had their methods. They had done it many a time. But poor Deidre would have to shove Clive’s corpse into the back seat of her old 1977 LTD Ford and deposit the body in some secluded forest somewhere.

Then there was the cost of having to get the carpet cleaned – if in fact she were to pull the trigger in the living room. Quite frankly, Deidre ascertained, the cost of this DIY murder was getting to be as expensive as a professional job. But as Deidre was fond of say, “I shall stick to my guns”.

Her husband was such a happy person and so obliging. Deidre didn’t hate him, but she had had enough. She didn’t want him to die slowly. Seven years marriage was seven years. One can’t obliterate the memory of it with one bullet shot. Dear sentimental Deidre! She planned a final outing. They would go for a picnic to the lake.

It was while at the lake eating their tuna and lettuce sandwich that they stood next to the most beautiful waterfall. It hurtled down the cliff below them in a most dramatic manner.

“Such power!” declared Clive.

“Such a precipice!” declared Deidre.

She gave him a little push. It was free.

1634. I could get hooked

Who would ever have thought I would have survived? It was a miracle! As far as I know it has not happened before; at least that is what is being said. The waterfall is gigantically powerful, and I went over it! Apparently it’s the Seljalandsfoss in Iceland. I don’t know where I am half the time.

The whole thing was an accident. It was a mistake on my part. I was simply swimming in the river and got too close to the waterfall. Those who are nice say it’s because I was too young and inexperienced. I certainly was that! Once the power of the waterfall increased the pull of the current I was a goner. Now I know how a galaxy must feel when it gets sucked into a black hole. I was swept away!

This waterfall is high and thunderous. People from all over the world come to see it. In fact, when I went over there were quite a few taking photos of me with their cameras. I’m a star! I can tell you though, I’d never do it again. I couldn’t see myself doing it twice and surviving. In fact I haven’t really got the wherewithal or the gumption to go back up to the top of the waterfall. I suppose it could happen – going over again and being twice lucky. There are some advantages in being a fish, and a small fingerling at that. The next challenge in life is not to get hooked, cooked, and be eaten for someone’s dinner.

1466. Daredevil

Eddie always joked as a kid, when asked what he wanted to be when he grew up, that he wanted to be a daredevil. He loved stories of people being shot from cannons, or motorbikes jumping over cars, or people going over huge waterfalls in barrels.

“It’s a stuntman, not a daredevil,” his father used to say. “And it’s not a good idea to be one of those unless you want to die early.”

Eddie took no notice. He set up a rope, only a few feet off the ground, and taught himself to walk a tightrope. Now that he was a teenager he found an even scarier challenge. If he climbed over the barricade fence at the local raging waterfall where the sign said DANGER! KEEP OUT! he could walk the slippery ledge that went underneath the waterfall and came out the other side. It was a clever thing he displayed to his friends. His girlfriend used to shriek in fear but secretly she rather admired his daring.

Anyway, he last did it several weeks ago. They still haven’t found the body.