People had always regarded Evan as being a bit strange. He was obsessed with thoughts of space aliens and unidentified flying craft that went this way and that instantaneously.
Lady Luck was on Evan’s side. A strange alien craft had landed on his lawn. How did they know that of all the lawns in town his lawn would be the most welcoming. Evan went out to greet the machine.
A loud voice through speakers welcomed him. It spoke in immaculate English, perhaps with a slight tinge of South African accent.
“Welcome Earthling!” said the voice. “We would like to meet you in person. There is a hatch door at the top of our craft. If you wish it can be opened for you to enter, but you will need a ladder to get to the roof of our craft if you wish to use the hatch.”
Evan went to his shed and got a ladder. The hatch opened. Evan jumped into the craft. It was all water. Evan drowned. The aliens were some sort of fish.
It had been a wet season. Not only was Theodore’s driveway slippery with moss, but the roof of his house and guttering had sprouted lichen. There was only one thing for it: he had to spray.
The problem was that his water supply was rain water. He lived in the country and it was the roof that filled the water tank. There were two pipes flowing from the guttering to the water tank. Theodore disconnected them and safely sprayed. After a week or so and several heavy rains it would be safe enough to reconnect the pipes.
What Theodore didn’t know was that there was a third pipe. Unbeknown to him the spray had run into the tank.
Theodore got an upset tummy. He felt increasingly sick throughout the week. He went to the doctor.
“Ah!” said the doctor, “a simple case of stomach flu.” He gave Theodore some pills and said “Avoid dehydration. Drink lots of water.”
Eight year old Annie wanted to go to Disneyland but her mother said she couldn’t afford it. Annie came up with an idea. It was a hot day. She would sell cold water at the gate.
The water wasn’t really that cold. It had been in the fridge only for a little while. Annie made a sign:
COLD WATER 5 sents Help me get to Dinseyland
All sorts of kind people passing by purchased a drink of water. Some even paid more than the five cents. By the middle of the afternoon, Annie had collected seven dollars fifteen. Then a bossy lady turned up:
“You want to get to Disneyland? I’ll get you to Disneyland. Where’s your licence to sell water? I’m phoning the police.”
The bossy lady phoned the police and a policeman turned up and made Annie shut down her business. But the reporters were there too from the local television station. The bossy lady had phoned them as well.
By sundown an outraged millionaire had paid for Annie’s entire family to go to Disneyland.
When Merle read in the waiting room of Hair and Nails Beauty Salon that there were nematodes invisible to the naked eye swimming in her drinking water she just about threw up. She almost painted the walls of the beauty parlour with psychedelic chunder. For years Merle had thought she had eaten meat-free and then suddenly… a revelation…
Of course, she could boil the water first, but that would be no different from boiling a leg of mutton. She’d still be swallowing boiled meat, albeit dead worms. Distilled water from the shop was no solution. The nematodes had been ruthlessly murdered so the water could be sold in all its purity. She would not be party to such dastardly actions.
Merle’s husband, when told, had no such qualms. He had eaten meat wholehearted all his life, and thought that having digestible-friendly worms in his water simply added to things.
There was only one thing for it; from now on Merle would drink nothing but Coca Cola. So much more animal friendly. So much healthier. So much cheaper than buying bottled water.
Thank you for posting the fabulous boiled chicken recipe. It was so simple to do; just chicken boiled in water. My family are vegans, so I left out the chicken. All agreed it was the loveliest meal I’d cooked in years. It’s certainly a recipe I shall be repeating and one I can’t wait to share with guests.