2744. Under the table

Morag knew something was wrong when she discovered her grandmother’s body under the dining table. It was as if grandmother had been hiding there. A large tablecloth draped down over the sides of the table hiding anything underneath. That is why it took a while to discover where grandmother was. Possibly she had crawled there to escape some sort of danger. There she had a fatal heart attack – through fear – or something like that; although her head seemed quite bruised..

Morag had spent half an hour wandering the house calling for her grandmother. She never gave a thought that she would be under the table. She looked in all the rooms, including the kitchen pantry. She looked (and called) in every outside building, including the little woodshed. No grandmother was to be found. Morag often called in to see her grandmother. “You are my favourite grandchild and when I go you get the weaving machine that was my own mother’s.” Of course, given the current circumstance, a weaving machine was the last thing on Morag’s mind.

Morag didn’t want to call the police immediately. It had only been thirty minutes or so. Grandmother could have wandered over to chat with a neighbour, or popped down to the corner shop. That was why Morag didn’t call the police immediately. She filled in a further hour by vacuuming the living room and bedrooms. It was while vacuuming the dining space that she discovered her grandmother’s corpse under the table.

The hour or so had given Morag time to compose herself enough to return the frozen leg of lamb to the freezer.

1653. Why did I answer the phone that morning?

(Thanks to Yvonne for the opening sentence).

Why did I answer the phone that morning? I had been vacuuming the house. When the phone rang I had to turn the vacuum cleaner off, and step over the vacuum cleaner’s cords and tubes to reach the phone.

Was I interested in doing a survey? It would only take a few minutes and I would go into the draw to win a trip for two to Hawaii.

Since I’d gone to all that trouble of turning off the vacuum cleaner and stepping over it, I thought I might as well. So several questions later (the questions were all about what brand of soft drink is imbibed in the household, so I told them a lie; coca cola I said because it was the only brand I could think of) I was in the draw to win a trip for two to Hawaii.

And win it I did! Wow! I had never won a thing before and now hubby and I were off to Hawaii!

That’s when the trouble started. Our son drove us to the airport, and on the way home (unbeknown to us) he crashed into a wall, wrote off his car, and broke both legs. Not long after take-off we were diverted. For two days we were stuck in a foreign airport. The airline people were most unhelpful. We had to pay for accommodation and meals instead of being in Hawaii all expenses paid. When eventually we did arrive in Hawaii the hotel was booked out. Since we hadn’t arrived on the appropriate day the hotel had presumed we were not going to turn up and booked other visitors into what was meant to be our room. The hotel wouldn’t give a refund because it was part of a promotion and no money had changed hands. So we had to pay for a further three days accommodation and food elsewhere.

We’re back home now from our all-expenses paid vacation. I’ve never been so happy to be doing housework. At present I’m vacuuming and…

Excuse me. That’ll be the phone.