1317. An umbrella saga

Mr Cooper always carried his umbrella when he went out, even if it wasn’t going to rain. There are some days when one can be one hundred percent certain that it will not rain, such as a beautiful blue-sky mid-summer’s day. Still, on such a day, Mr Cooper took his umbrella.

“Why do you take your umbrella with you when the sky is blue, the air is clear, the birds are singing, and it’s a let’s-go-on-a-picnic day?” asked Mrs Harker poetically.

“The meteorologists are unreliable at best,” said Mr Cooper dourly and judgementally. “Take their forecast as gospel and one day you’ll get caught out.”

However, the reliability of the meteorologists was proven one day. It rained as predicted. Mr Cooper’s raised his umbrella. Lightning struck. Mr Cooper died.

“He may as well have flown a kite like Benjamin Franklin in 1752 from the spire on Christ Church in Philadelphia built in 1754,” observed Mrs Harker knowledgeably, wryly, and unsympathetically.

1014. One sunny day

It’s very interesting listening to what other people have to say – if only you’d shut up for a minute, Giles… It’s very interesting listening to what other people have to say and if… shut up Giles… if I had a penny for every time someone told me about… Giles if you don’t have anything sensible to say then just shut up. You go on and on and on and nothing makes sense. You rabbit on about sweet nothing and no one’s listening so just shut up. Now, where was I?

That’s right… I was going to tell you about the time… Oh for goodness sake. Not again. Look at that. That’s the third time today that’s happened. Don’t just stand there, Giles, looking like a decoration. Do something about it. It’s the third time today. Some people have no idea about the proper way things should be done. If I had a penny for every time… Giles do something! Do something about it! Oh for goodness sake. I’ve had a gutsful.

I was trying to tell you about… oh my goodness it’s going to rain. It always rains when I’m about to start. It’s like pressing a button, step outside to do the… there! They’re doing it again, shut up Giles, I forgot my umbrella. Be a darling Giles and dash inside and get my umbrella oh for goodness sake, for goodness sake what a mess you’re not listening