Ever since he was four Caleb had wanted to be an otorhinolaryngologist when he grew up. No one knows why he suddenly developed at interest in otorhinolaryngology but he did. As his birthing personage observed, at first we thought it was simply a vestige of aberrant behaviour instilled in him at the kindergarten, but we quickly disabused ourselves of the notion when he threatened that if he didn’t get his way he would become a teacher instead and espouse transgender critical race theory.
We hoped that the special book we bought him for his fifth birthday would help sort a few things out, but already Little Miss Muffat and Little Jack Horner are doing things behind the bike shed that we didn’t give a thought to doing before Year 11. As for Jack and Jill falling down the hill and Humpty-Dumpty falling off a wall… well… it simply consolidated his interest in otorhinolaryngology.
We dread the day when he gets to page 23 of his “Birthing Personage Goose” book that we gave him and discovers over-sexed Little Bo Peep and what Jack-Be-Nimble is doing to Peep’s sheep.
We’re thinking of dumping his childhood altogether and getting him started on harmless Quantum Mechanics.
Eugenia was a natural-born murderer. It came easy to her, and her ability to get away with it was astounding.
In the early days she would first marry her intended victims and then feign distraughtness at the funeral. These days she had given up such superficial nonsense. She would simply murder there and then no matter the marital state. Besides, being married to more than five murdered husbands might begin to arouse suspicion.
It came as a revelation to Eugenia that she could earn substantial amounts of money by killing off other people’s spouses. The only drawback was that she had to go to prison for a time to meet new clientele. It was nothing to convince other female prisoners that they needed their husbands obliterated.
After several prison stays the number of women wanting husbands or partners exterminated dwindled. Business suffered. There was only one thing for it. She would have to identify as a man and get sent to a men’s prison. There was sure to be a good number of male prisoners in need of spouse extermination.
And indeed there was. After several months stay, Eugene was released and reverted once again to being Eugenia. She had a list as long as her arm of spouses that needed culling. The rewards for doing so might even mean she could retire from work altogether. As she said, ”Going in and out of prison to scrounge for victims is not a particularly rewarding way to spend a life.”
These days she is in fact retired and lives off her savings. She’s given up murdering people.
Oh, and did I say? She’s married for the sixth time. The guy’s alright, although he can get a bit annoying at times.