2585. I thank my lucky stars

I thank my lucky stars that I’m not like the widowed mother of five that lives next door. She barely has two cents to rub together. That’s because she and her late husband never saved. I saved and that’s why I can thank my lucky stars on Thanksgiving Day.

These vagabonds have only themselves to blame. I asked her if she was doing anything special for Thanksgiving, and she said it would be a normal day but maybe she would try to bake a pumpkin pie. I said I was sick of pumpkin pie and was making a pumpkin chiffon torte with Grand Marnier whipped cream. I asked her if she was doing a turkey, and she said “Goodness me, no. The expense!”

“What’s Thanksgiving without a turkey?” I asked. “I’ve got a huge turkey. In fact I’ve got a real turkey to cook and a big plastic turkey that I’ve had for years. Every Thanksgiving I fill the plastic turkey up with chocolates and give myself a special treat. It’s the advantage of living alone; there’s no greedy-guts pinching my chocolates.”

I also asked her if she wouldn’t mind mowing her lawn before Thanksgiving. The grass is too long and it looks unsightly.

So today I thank my good fortune that I’m not up to my neck in debt like that woman next door. Sorry, but I can’t remember her name. I’d tell you if I remembered in case you wanted to help her out; although as I always say, helping people out is the quickest way to make yourself poor. You’d soon have nothing to thank your lucky stars for.

2584. Why I celebrate American Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving in the United States, and although it is not celebrated in the country where I live (except in my house and possibly a few others) it got me thinking… What is something when I was studying in the United States that I am particularly grateful for?

I was living in Waltham, Massachusetts, and studying at a university in Cambridge. About every second Saturday or so I would go to a nearby hall where two women I had met would be tidying up the hall. Their names were Claire and Bernadette. We would have a coffee and a donut. They both worked in a factory that made secret parts for some highly classified military machinery. What the parts were for they were never told. Massachusetts is full of factories like that where people make parts off a blueprint and they don’t know what the parts are or what they are for.

The summer break was approaching. Apart from taking a couple of summer papers, the rest of the summer was free. To be honest I was a poor student. I wasn’t intending to go anywhere but that hadn’t stopped me from looking at the map!

During one coffee Claire and Bernadette asked me, “Where are you going for the summer?” Not wishing to say I would be staying in my little room in Waltham I said, “I am thinking of going to Arizona.”

“And we’re paying for it!” declared Claire. “Provided one thing; provided we can do the planning. We’re not able to travel ourselves so it would be a thrill for us to plan the adventure.”

They explained what they did. There was no coffee facility at the plant they worked in. Bernadette and Claire provided coffee, sugar, and cream. People had their own mugs. There was a tin there for workers to drop in a coin. There were hundreds of people working in the factory. Claire and Bernadette had a policy: any money made they would not spend it on themselves, but spend it on other people, and that would give them a thrill! I didn’t agree to taking their offer at first, but I quietly asked around and everyone said the same thing, “Goodness me! Can those two afford it or what!” So I accepted their kind offer and were to meet them at the hall the following Saturday.

Well! They had maps. They had airline tickets. They had a rental car. They had vouchers for motels.

“We’ve marked on the map places of interest, but do what you want and go where you want! And here’s an envelope with some pocket money.”

When I got home I opened the envelope and there was $2000 in cash.

I set out. It was 115°F when I got off the plane in Phoenix. I loved every minute of my stay. I went everywhere from the Grand Canyon to Tucson. Quite my favourite bit was the Sonora Desert. My biggest thrill was in Walnut Canyon where I saw my first hummingbird! I saw, some quite by accident, snakes and scorpions and road runners and coyotes and ancient ruins and barrel cacti and… goodness! Every moment was pure magic! The saddest bit (and this is true) I stepped out of the car to take a photo of the road sign that said POISONOUS SNAKES AND INSECTS INHABIT THE AREA and I trod on a tarantula and squashed it.

When I got back to Waltham I had hardly spent a dime. I went to give the money back to Claire and Bernadette.

“Don’t be silly,” they said. “Go to New York! Go to Washington DC!”

So I did!

There were many instances of people’s generosity in my time as a student in Boston: the young man who about once a month would call with a can of Fosters beer to share because he didn’t know the difference between New Zealand and Australia (and I never let on); the man who called and said we’re going for a drive and took me to a shop where he bought me the warmest winter coat there was; the lady who sewed Christmas decorations to send home to my mother; the couple who lent me their holiday home at a lake for a week; the Native American at the lake who let me use his traditional canoe every day!  People’s generosity knew no bounds! When I finished my time there the locals had a farewell evening, in which they all sang the New Zealand national anthem that they had secretly learnt!

What I learnt in America wasn’t so much in my studies at university, but in simply living there. They taught me to be generous. In my opinion, of all the nations in the world, the people of the United States would be the ones who best would know how to celebrate a day of Thanksgiving.

And that is why we celebrate American Thanksgiving in the place I live. HAPPY THANKSGIVING to one and all!

At the White House

2285. The crooked Christmas tree

Nothing riled Nora more than Jonathan putting up the artificial Christmas tree crooked. Year after year it would be crooked; just on a slight angle; not much mind you, but just enough for Nora to notice it every time she passed. The tree would go up on Thanksgiving.

The glittering baubles hung on a small but observable angle. Each year Nora would wait for Jonathan to leave the house and no sooner had he gone than she would crawl underneath the tree with a small plastic clothes peg and poke it in the Christmas tree stand against the trunk to make the tree perfectly upright.

Then when she went out herself she would return only to find the peg had gone. It had been taken out and the tree was once again on the tiniest angle. Nora knew exactly what she would get Jonathan for Christmas; something he seemed to want so much: some clothes pegs from the dollar shop.

This ritual had gone on for years. In fact, it had become a Thanksgiving Day tradition. I forgot to mention that Nora and Jonathan were next door neighbours – I suppose you thought they were wife and husband. They had been neighbours for over forty years, and both widowed for about ten. Thanksgiving was a time for them to help each other put up the Christmas decorations. Then as the evening approached – they always observed the day in the evening – their respective families would arrive in each household for the celebration.

This year however it was going to be different. Both families were meeting at Nora’s house to celebrate an accepted marriage proposal.

Happy Thanksgiving to my USA readers and their families – and anyone else who happens to be thankful!

2075. Virginia’s chocolates

Virginia thought she would learn to make chocolates. Not chocolate, but chocolates – those things with something scrumptious like a nut or some fruit jelly encased inside. She had once read about it in a magazine but unfortunately she neither had the magazine nor too much of a memory as to what the magazine said.

But these days there was the internet. Everything could be found on the internet including the making of chocolates. She would find an easy method and follow it to a tee. It was like magic how the centre got into the chocolates, especially if the centre was runny. A nut could simply be dipped into melted chocolate, but runny stuff was another thing altogether. Virginia thought she would begin with a strawberry flavoured centre.

Part of the problem was that Virginia, in the main, was a terrible procrastinator. She would put things off, and put things off. This was not to be the case with her chocolate-making. She would aim to have little baskets of chocolates to give out this coming Easter. She couldn’t mess around. It was almost inevitable that the first chocolates she made would be a disaster, but perhaps by the second attempt she might produce something good enough to serve as an Easter gift.

Virginia went shopping with the list of things required. When it came to flavouring, she wondered, looking at all the options available in the supermarket aisle, whether she should make a variety of flavours and not just strawberry. There was strawberry, and raspberry, and apricot, and lemon, and orange, and… the choices went on and on. In the end, Virginia settled for strawberry and orange. Then there was the mould. She hadn’t realized there were so many shapes available. She chose moulds that were in the shape of vegetables: carrots and pumpkins and zucchinis and so on.

When she got home Virginia wonder if the vegetable shapes were appropriate for Easter. She should have got bunnies and cockerels and eggs. Not to worry – she would make do with what she had.

Anyway, that was last Easter. With Thanksgiving approaching Virginia still hadn’t made any chocolates, but the vegetable moulds would be more than suitable for Thanksgiving. Yes! She would make little baskets of chocolates to give out this coming Thanksgiving. Or perhaps Christmas. Christmas would be better. It was more of a chocolatey occasion than Thanksgiving.

2010. Happy Thanksgiving!

Every year, apart from whose turn it was to cook the turkey, the Haslett family drew lots as to who would bring what on Thanksgiving. Over the years it had crumbled a little into abeyance because Olga always did the pumpkin pie. In fact she usually did two pumpkin pies. Even those who detested pumpkin pie thought that Olga’s pumpkin pie was to die for.

With her husband off work now with various shut-downs, money was a little tighter than usual so Olga was pleased that in an earlier time she had made some pumpkin purée and stored it in the freezer. Everyone else was a little hard-pressed for cash too, so they all jointly decided that they would make do with ingredients they could find without too much extra expense. Decima’s husband had an excellent vegetable garden so the responsibility for side dishes fell to Decima – although Stacey said she’d do a salad. It was Connie’s turn to do the turkey, and Arnie was an expert at concocting homemade apple cider.

All went hummingly. It was pumpkin pie time! It didn’t look quite right, but Olga said she had varied the ingredients a little according to budget demands. Oh dear! It turned out not to have been pumpkin purée at all, but carrot soup. Both are orange. Everyone screamed with laughter, but coupled with an extra glass or two of Arnie’s homemade apple cider, all agreed it tasted none-too-bad.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends!

1966. The whimsies of tourism

(This is the fifth of seven days of Science Faction).

The twenty-four Doglocians had paid good money to travel from their home planet to Planet Earth. The voyage, travelling at the speed of light through a Worm-warp, would arrive at Earth after ninety days. But things went wrong on the voyage.

“It never rains but it pours,” said Okrogowia, the captain of the Doglocian space craft. It was an old Doglocian cliché, but true nonetheless.

They had wanted to arrive on Earth to see the Fall foliage. That’s what the trip had been billed as: Travel to Earth, celebrate upon arrival, and see the most spectacular autumn colours in the cosmos! But with the Worm-warp warping in the wrong direction (something it did roughly once every one hundred years or so) they had ended up shooting off on a tangent. It took days of catching one Worm-warp after another to get back on course. By now it was estimated that the voyage was going to be six weeks late.

And then something spectacular occurred. The Worm-warp warped wondrously and the Doglocian craft skedaddled faster than imagined. The lost six weeks were made up in a matter of minutes. It was the 12th of October 2020 in Earth dates.

“We made it!” announced Captain Okrogowia.

“We made it! We made it! Now we can celebrate!” danced the twenty-four passengers. And indeed they had made it on time!

They had made it on the very day they had wished their adventure to start: Canadian Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving to all my Canadian friends!

1680. Forever grateful

Fergus was a little bit of a loner. He kept to himself quite a bit. It’s not that he was anti-social. He would say hello most courteously when greeted by a neighbour over the fence or in the supermarket. But he liked his own space and the neighbours respected that.

No one knew much about him. He never seemed to have visitors or family call. He seemed happy enough in his garden. He had, he once told next-door neighbours Mr and Mrs Wilburton, retired from work a good seven or eight years ago. He had been “self-employed”.

It was the Wilburtons who had gone out of their way to invite Fergus to their Thanksgiving dinner. Fergus accepted, and for the last four years he had enjoyed Thanksgiving with the Wilburton family.

But all good things must come to an end. It was a sad day when Fergus died. Quite swiftly. He’d been ill for a week. Things were not going to be quite the same without Fergus at Thanksgiving.

When Thanksgiving did arrive the phone rang. It was Fergus’s attorney. Fergus had left them four million eight hundred thousand and forty-two dollars and a card that simply said “THANK YOU”.

What excitement! Once the lawyer’s fees and the Tax Department were dealt with it was time to go on the trip of a lifetime they had only ever dreamt about. They went to Africa! There, Mrs Wilburton contracted malaria and died, which could never have happened without Fergus’s generosity.

1475. Bon appetit!

It was Thanksgiving, and Fred and Jaime Burtwhistle had much to be thankful for, although they couldn’t agree on what their next step in life together was to be. Fred’s Great Aunt Donnabelle, whom they loved very much for obvious reasons, had died and left them a gigantic fortune. It was such a pleasure to be able to spend money and not have their nosy great aunt overseeing. Waiting for her to die had taken years.

Then there was Jaime’s Aunt Mabel to be thankful for. She would never shut up. Talk talk talk. She had a motor accident at some stage during the year and lost the ability to talk. What a relief! What a blessing!

Jaime’s father was a chronic alcoholic and they had put him in a care center of some sort for drunks. It was going to be good not having him around on Thanksgiving to ruin everything.

Fred’s mother, a widow, was a nut case. She had been “institutionalized”. Hopefully in a padded cell. You’ve no idea how embarrassing that woman could be.

So indeed there was much for Fred and Jaime Burtwhistle to be grateful for this Thanksgiving. They had no children, so it was to be just the two of them. Of course, they couldn’t agree on how best to spend Great Aunt Donnabelle’s inheritance. To solve this disagreeable problem Fred had poisoned the cranberry sauce, and Jaime had poisoned the pumpkin pie.

Bon appetit!

1183. A day to celebrate!

What an incredible day! Amazing! A day indeed of Thanksgiving!

God was so pleased with the way the people of the United States of America had behaved over the past year that he made a decree that nothing (not even a gnat) would die on Thanksgiving Day. How He got this message across remains a mystery, but He did.

The Clancy Family were especially delighted; Leighton Clancy in particular. He’d been feeling ill for some time and knew his days were numbered. The family had not been in celebration mode, so to get a reprieve for Thanksgiving! What a relief! What a joy! Nothing would die on Thanksgiving Day! Not even a firefly! Not even a flea! This was indeed a cause to celebrate! A feast!

Leighton Clancy went out and chopped the head off the turkey.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends!

P.S. Mrs Clancy had the devil of a time stuffing the turkey. The damn thing wouldn’t keep still.

Poem 52: Gobbler’s lament

(The form chosen for this week is the rondel).

‘Twas the eve of Thanksgiving Day.
I’m not at all grateful, he said.
There’s no fun in losing one’s head,
Then roasted and carved on a tray;

Sage stuffed up your bum all the way
With mushrooms and spice mixed with bread.
‘Twas the eve of Thanksgiving Day.
I’m not at all grateful, he said.

So how would you like, come what may,
To be basted when you are dead?
Thank God for this turkey well-fed,
Big drumsticks, plump breast, they all pray.
‘Twas the eve of Thanksgiving Day.
I’m not at all grateful, he said.

To hear the poem read aloud click HERE.