Tag Archives: television

1102. On the blink

Brenda Clifford didn’t realize she was lonely until her television went on the blink.

Angela Charlesworth didn’t realize her marriage was on the rocks until her television went on the blink.

Geoff Craighead didn’t realize he was feeding his kids junk food until his television went on the blink.

Anthony Barlow didn’t realize he believed everything on the news until his television went on the blink.

Augusta Lorrigan didn’t realize she was drinking herself to death until her television went on the blink.

Lou Monks didn’t realize how untidy the house was until his television went on the blink.

When Rod Watson’s television went on the blink he didn’t notice anything except that his television was on the blink. He went out and bought another television and installed it before the sports game started. He bought some beer on the way home, told his wife and kids to shut up, burped, farted, and settled down for the night.

1055. Next door television

My bedroom window looks straight out onto the road, and across the road into the window of my neighbour’s sitting room. I can see their television from my bedroom. At least I can see what it is they’re watching. No sound of course. If they rigged up speakers I could sit in bed and hear whatever it is that they’re watching. But it often doesn’t matter because half the time I don’t need the sound to know what’s going on.

Some people have no idea when they’re watching a video that people can see from outside. They could at least draw the drapes or something. But no, these neighbours have to watch videos or, if not, similar stuff on some channel or other. There’s no privacy. I’ve seen kids zoom by on their scooters and slow down for a peek. Up and down the road. One day some kid is going to be looking at that television and run straight into an oncoming car.

If I knew their name and phone number I’d tell them to pull the curtains. I’m sick to death of it. If I have to sit through another National Geographic program on giraffes I’ll scream.

759. Mabel did things nicely

759manners

Mabel did things nicely. It’s not that she was a snob. She wasn’t. But she had been brought up to do things nicely. She’d taught her children how to do things nicely as well, such as setting the table properly; holding a knife and fork correctly; folding a napkin creatively; making the drinking glasses and cutlery sparkle on the table. Hopefully, her children had passed these things onto their children. Her son and his three kids were coming to dinner tonight!

Mabel set the table!

They arrived!

“What’s for dinner, Gran?” they chorused.

“You shall have to wait and see.”

Dinner time arrived.

The four guests went to the table, grabbed a plate each, piled the food, and went and sat in front of the TV. Mabel was stunned. She bit her tongue.

The next time they came for dinner, she’d got rid of her television set. The ploy didn’t work; they sat on the floor eating their dinner, phones in hand.