Tag Archives: stilton

569. Say cheese

© Bruce Goodman 2 May 2015


What a fuss it caused! One innocent Bill into its second reading in Parliament and all hell broke loose. It was a straightforward idea, and it would change the world, if only the hoi polloi would let it. What plebs!

The proposition was simple: the all-powerful government would decree the moon to be made of cheese; then it could be mined and fed to the starving poor.

The dairy industry was outraged. This was an out-and-out attempt to undermine dairy farmers’ livelihood.

The Royal Society of Astronomers fumed. Cheese mining would wreck the beauty of the moon’s surface, especially when viewed from earth. If they were to mine, could the cheese not be taken from the backside of the moon?

Mrs Valerie Kitson of West Sugarton said it was enough to curdle the milk in her breast. Once in a blue moon you’d get blue stilton, and she couldn’t stand the stuff.

The Bill didn’t pass its second reading. Parliamentarians thought it would lose them too many votes.

The poor are still hungry.

Each person, each group, again and again, thought only of themselves. Selfish bastards.