Tag Archives: spray

1648. Spray

Norman was a very tidy man. The lawn and garden around his house was a picture. He would spray quite a lot under the trees and under the fence railing. Always with Roundup.

“Nothing beats Roundup,” Norm would say. “The weeds see me coming with my back spray pack and they start running.”

That’s why he would spray very often, like once a week. Every Wednesday. It worked. As was said, his lawn and garden was a picture.

Anyway although at first he thought he was getting the flu he’s recently been diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. That means that these days his wife, Pearl, has to do the spraying.

1309. Nature Study

Christobelle had a thing for the environment. She was as green as they come. She ate only that which was organically grown. No meat of course; and in fact not even a life-giving chicken’s egg. No insect would be purposely crushed beneath her shoe. Her porch was riddled with spiders spared by Christobelle.

She was therefore considerably dismayed when it was discovered the apples her generous neighbour had allowed her to pick for the past six years, had been sprayed each year. Sprayed! Apparently to kill some moth caterpillar. These people ate cows and sheep and pigs. Why on earth would they fuss about sinking their teeth into a little creepy-crawly? And the thought of poison having entered her body annually for the past six years filled Christobelle with stenchful repulsion. She felt quite ill. What are they taught in school these days? What happened to Nature Study as a subject?

Two nights after this discovery, Christobelle went out and sprayed insect repellent into her neighbour’s thirteen beehives. That should teach him a lesson.

1187. Clean and green

What a go-ahead suburb Greenqueen was! For years they had cared about the environment. The streets were lined with gardens and hanging baskets. No artificial sprays used here. The council had stipulated: all was to be clean and green in Greenqueen.

And then disaster struck. There was an ant plague. Every garden, every hanging basket, every lamp post, every shop door, was alive with ants. Something had to be done.

A pest control firm was contacted. Could you come in plain clothes, in plain vehicles, in the middle of the night, and surreptitiously spray the streets with ant-killing spray?

They did that, and no one complained because no one knew.

Unfortunately, with the lack of labels everything was mistakenly sprayed with weed-killer.