Tag Archives: shit

1563. Wash that mouth out

Jason was staying with an Italian family. He was in Italy to perfect his Italian. He’d learnt it pretty well at school and his parents thought that to send him to Italy on a home stay for several months would be the icing on the cake.

Through some agency or other a nice family to stay with was selected. The family lived in Bergamo, a city in the Lombardi region not too far north of Milan. What an adventure!

It didn’t take long for Jason to be gabbling away fluently in Italian. In fact he was masterful. He even joined the local library and read books in Italian as well.

The Giunta Family were delightful; so kind and welcoming. They had two sons, quite a bit younger than Jason, and a daughter roughly the same age as Jason. Jason and Klarissa got on well. It was therefore quite logical that Jason should ask… ask her… what were…

If there was one thing Jason didn’t know about the Italian language it was the dirty words. You don’t really know a language until you can swear in it, with proper cause of course. So Jason asked Klarissa. “Could you tell me what the swear words are in Italian? What are the dirty words?”

Fourteen year old Klarissa rushed to her father. “Jason has used some naughty words to me! Jason wants to talk naughty words to me!”

Jason was on the next plane home.

1162. Bear warning

(This posting is in response to The Grey Divorcee’s blog!)

NOTICE
Visitors to the area are warned that they are entering a habitat frequented by bears. Alertness is advised at all times. The proximity of bears can be noted by observing fresh bear poo. It is easy to identify as it usually contains elements of clothing.

954. African Dung Beetle

954dung

What a furore! It was in all the papers. Farmers wanted to introduce the African Dung Beetle to the country.

“There’s too much cow shit lying about,” said Farmer Harry. “It can’t decompose fast enough. The cow poo needs a helping hand, and the African Dung Beetle is just what the doctor ordered. It’s just the ticket. It’s almost too good to be true.”

The members of Gaea, the Mother Earth Society, were up in arms.

“The introduction of a foreign species will cause irreparable harm to the balance of the environment. For starters, it will increase the amount of methane floating into the stratosphere.”

The Government intervened. They set up a Commission to investigate the pros and cons of introducing the African Dung Beetle. Farmer Harry was appointed chairperson.

“Farmer Harry is a farmer,” protested Gaea, the Mother Earth Society. “He is in favour of the introduction of the African Dung Beetle. There’s no chance in hell he could be objective.”

So the Government appointed Ms Brasilia Bojovic-Hogwood to be the chairperson of the Commission. She was the Founding President of Gaea, the Mother Earth Society.

Gaea, the Mother Earth Society’s members were delighted.

“At last!” they said, “some objectivity can be brought into the discussion.”