Tag Archives: Salvation Army

1141. Collecting for the Sallies

It was a cold winter’s day, and Evelyn had volunteered to stand outside the supermarket and ask for donations for the Salvation Army’s soup kitchen.

Evelyn: Hello. Would you like to make a donation to the Salvation Army’s soup kitchen?

Passer-by 1: Goodness. You must be freezing standing out here. Not a nice day at all, is it?

Evelyn: It’s certainly a bit chilly. Have a nice day.

Evelyn: Hello. Would you like to make a donation to the Salvation Army’s soup kitchen?

Passer-by 2: Goodness. You must be freezing standing out here. Not a nice day at all, is it?

Evelyn: It’s certainly a bit chilly. Have a nice day.

Evelyn: Hello. Would you like to make a donation to the Salvation Army’s soup kitchen?

Passer-by 3: Goodness. You must be freezing standing out here. Not a nice day at all, is it?

Evelyn: It’s certainly a bit chilly. Have a nice day.

Evelyn: Hello. Would you like to make a donation to the Salvation Army’s soup kitchen?

Passer-by 4: Goodness. You must be freezing standing out here. Not a nice day at all, is it?

Evelyn: It’s certainly a bit chilly. Have a nice day…

1021. How to win friends

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Norbert had just finished reading Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People.

“What an excellent book,” thought Norbert. “I shall try to put some of the things into practice.”

It was the time of the Salvation Army’s Annual Door-to-Door Monetary Appeal. Norbert volunteered.

“Good afternoon. I’m collecting money for the Salvation Army and wondered if you would like to make a donation. Goodness! What a magnificent vegetable garden you have! Are you the gardener?”

“Good afternoon. I’m collecting money for the Salvation Army and wondered if you would like to make a donation. Goodness! Look at that apple tree laden with fruit! You must have green fingers.”

“Good afternoon. I’m collecting money for the Salvation Army and wondered if you would like to make a donation. Goodness! Those flowers! So colourful! I don’t think I’ve ever seen such pretty gladiolas.”

Norbert came home with four bags of tomatoes, a cardboard box of apples, several bunches of flowers, and not a penny for the Salvation Army.

636. Old Mrs Bradshaw

© Bruce Goodman 8 July 2015

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When old Mrs Bradshaw wasn’t knitting she was sewing. How she could sew a button back on a shirt in thirty seconds without hardly looking was anyone’s guess. How she could knit the most complex pattern while watching television was a marvel.

And generous to a fault. She would sew doll’s clothes for every doll in the street. There wasn’t a girl with a doll within a radius of a mile who hadn’t at some stage knocked on old Mrs Bradshaw’s door. And out came the clothes patterns: books and books of fashionable clothes designs. It was a girl to girl thing. Old Mrs Bradshaw would spend hours discussing and suggesting. You’d think the doll was about to walk down the carpet to the Oscars.

Year after year, old Mrs Bradshaw won the quilting section at the annual craft show. No one minded her monopoly on the first prize.

“Yes of course, dear. You buy the wool and I’ll knit you a pullover. What sort of pattern would you like? You get the fabric and I’ll make you a quilt. Yes, yes. Bring your trousers here and I’ll take them up.”

And all for nothing. She never charged.

To think that now she’s dead. Dear old Mrs Bradshaw. Always so generous. Even her pre-planned death notice stated: In lieu of flowers please make a donation to the Salvation Army’s charitable fund. Her funeral was packed.

The Salvation Army got two dollars seventy.