2613. Elephant ride

Maurice had always wanted to ride on an elephant. Ever since he was a kid he wanted to ride on an elephant. Back then they would give rides on an elephant at the zoo, but has mother had always said, “Don’t be silly dear. What if the elephant bolts and you are on its back racing through the streets of the city?”

These days of course they don’t give elephant rides at the zoo. Judging from the pictures Maurice had seen the elephant seemed to enjoy it; eight children, four on each side, sitting on a bench of some sort on the elephant’s back.

The zoo still had two elephants but they were getting on in years. It wouldn’t be long before there were no elephants, and then Maurice’s hope of an elephant ride would fade completely. He had even asked the zoo keeper if a ride was a possibility. The zoo keeper simply asked, “Why would a man in his forties want to ride on an elephant?” Maurice was so disappointed.

Then just last week something amazing happened. It was unexpected. Maurice no longer had an unfulfilled desire to ride an elephant. He died.

1760. Penny-farthing excursions

I saved up money for a considerable time to purchase a penny-farthing. My wife wanted a new set of pots for the kitchen, but first things first. Nearly every male of age in this town is out and about on their penny-farthing every Sunday afternoon. My wife wanted to try riding it and I said, “Goodness me no, darling. Not in that dress!” Before one could blink the hem of her skirt would get tangled in the spokes of the wheel. And what a disaster! How very unlady-like! Of course, it would be my entire fault letting a woman onto what is clearly designed for the male anatomy. It’s a bit like riding a horse. But on a horse women ride side-saddle, and one could hardly expect a woman to ride side-saddle on a penny-farthing. How would one peddle?

The first time I went out (of course I’d been practising my balance in the backyard behind the house) I went with three friends on a Sunday jaunt. Such freedom! Such speed! The second time I went out was the last. I was with a larger group. We bicycled I suppose ten miles into the country and back. It was a wonderful experience.

As I said, that was the last time I went out on the penny-farthing. I wouldn’t be seen dead on it these days. You see, my wife and her so-called emancipated friends made fun of my tight pants.