Tag Archives: restaurant

1909. Just dessert

Some would say that Ponavenitula Tavite Taumoepeau was a little unethical. When dining at a restaurant it was always the same: “Would you mind ever so terribly if I started with dessert?”

“Of course not, sir,” came the inevitable reply from slightly bemused waiters. It was not unusual for guests to order only dessert. Perhaps they had eaten earlier and been to the theatre or a movie. But to have dessert before the rest of the meal was a little different.

After dessert, Ponavenitula would order the rest of the meal and while the chef prepared the dishes, Ponavenitula would walk out. Disappear. The city had hundreds of restaurants. It was going to take Ponavenitula ages to get through them all.

He worked a fairly stringent system. Wednesday was when his wife went to her bridge evening. She was away for hours. Ponavenitula would make himself some soup-in-a-cup and toast, hop in the car, and head to the next restaurant on his list for dessert. It was an excellent scheme, and such a saving!

Thus far, Ponavenitula must have devoured a free dessert in maybe forty restaurants. You would think he would get caught at least once.

And then the inevitable happened.

He died.

1571. An organized proposal

Adrian and Alan had been in a same-sex relationship for just over three years. Adrian decided it was time to propose. It wasn’t quite clear in such a relationship as to who should do the proposing, but Adrian decided he had waited long enough and so took the matter into his own hands. It was to be a special occasion.

Adrian planned every second of the event. Really, it was all rather exciting! First they would go to the go-cart track (they loved doing that, it was how they met), hire a go-cart each, and race around for half an hour or so to determine who was the superior go-cart driver.

Next, they would go for a wander through the botanical gardens. It was the tulip season and every year they had celebrated tulips by strolling through the gardens at the very peak of flowering. In fact, they so loved the tulip celebration that they had selected two tulips as a symbol of their relationship and had devised a monogram to go on their front door.

After the tulips they would go to a fancy restaurant; not too fancy mind you, because they weren’t exactly made of money, but fancy enough to make things special. They both especially liked “The Plucked Auk” – which ironically never had auk on the menu. Not to worry. Both would inevitably order a hearty steak, rare, in fact, blue.

Finally they would wander down to the estuary and stroll along the winding river path in the evening light. The stars! The moon! It would be then that Adrian would propose. Let’s hope the weather was fine. The forecast said it would be.

Adrian announced to Alan, it being some not particularly important anniversary of something or rather, that he had planned a special afternoon and evening. Such regular celebrations had always been part of their living together.

Well! Would you believe? They were about to leave home when Alan went down on one knee, produced a ring, and said to Adrian, “Will you marry me?”

Some people know how to stuff things up.

1341. Waiter!

Waiter! Take this steak away. You know I always have it rare and this is overcooked. You might as well have served up a piece of charcoal.

Waiter! I like my carrots a little crisp. Take them away and bring some vegetables properly cooked, not something that’s had the living daylights boiled out of it.

Waiter! Were these eggs cooked yesterday? They’re as cold and hard as a rock. Take them away and bring me eggs done the way I like them.

Waiter! You expecting a tip? The service here is appalling. You won’t be getting a dime from me.

So why do you always eat here?

Because this is the only restaurant in town that does things the way I like it.