2698. Stuffy people

They advertised it in the paper. They asked about it here and there. The little country parish church was an earthquake risk. There was no fixing it. It has to be pulled down and replaced. The most viable way to rebuild was to build over the ancient church graveyard. What they wanted to do was to track down as many descendants of those buried in the graveyard and get their consent.

Several thousand people were contacted by letter. A plaque with the names of those buried there would be placed at the church entrance. All happily agreed…

… except for Calvin Dragg. No way. No way. He would not have his ancestor’s grave desecrated. Calvin Dragg took the church to court. The proposal to rebuild the church was put on hold. A good deal of the money the church had raised was used in lawyers’ fees.

Calvin Dragg didn’t hide his glee: “Who gives a hoot if they build a church over the graves of old dead people? But yippee! I pulled those stuffy church people down.”

2684. Exhumation demanded

Although few in the village knew who Trudi was while she lived, she certainly became well-known after her death. There were rumours that her death had been suspicious. There was growing pressure to have the body exhumed and examined.

Gloria Higgins led the charge: Although most of us never knew Trudi personally, we feel that given all the rumours surrounding her death, she should be dug up and the case settled to our satisfaction. There is no way people can feel safe in the village with such unsolved questions hanging over us.

It took a lot of convincing but in the end the protestors won the day. Trudi was exhumed. The protestors went into shock.

As the local policeman said: No one ever told me that Trudi was a horse.

2297. Choices

My boss had given his orders. I knew what he was asking was illegal if not downright immoral. All I could do was choose between getting sacked or getting caught.

I can’t tell you what it was, but I chose to keep my job. All I can say is that I work in a school, and when the bus carrying protesting parents went over a cliff I knew my employment was safe. At least for the time being.

2287. Restaurant protest

That woman is unbelievably rude. I wanted to just have a quiet meal now that we’re allowed once again to frequent restaurants. But oh no! She has turned my quiet meal into a political event. She’s been going around all the tables asking people if they’ve been inoculated. I think she means vaccinated. If anyone says they’re not inoculated she points them out to the whole restaurant.

I know the restaurant manager has been out twice and told her to settle down. She’s loud and disruptive. She hasn’t even ordered yet. I think I’ve had enough and will be leaving pretty soon. This is the third time my wife has done this.

1587. Rally around the flag

Hetty Moss was a seamstress. She designed a flag for her country and sewed it together. Her country had recently gained independence from Portugal and so much had to be thought about. A flag could be considered a minor detail, but what could the people of a fledgling country rally around if they didn’t have a flag?

Hetty Moss’s flag was blue with a green diagonal stripe across the centre. The green and blue represented their little island state in the vast ocean. Quite wonderful really! People loved it. In fact, it inspired Harry Donaldson to compose words for a national anthem:

Loud cheers for the green and blue!
Green and blue! Green and blue!
Loud cheers for the green and blue!
Made for me and you.

All it needed now was some music. But back to Hetty Moss’s flag…

A group claimed that the green stripe represented the Green Party. What about the party that uses red as their colour?

Another group claimed that the blue represented the Liberal Party and it was the dominant colour on the flag. What about the party that uses yellow as their colour? Or purple?

The Federation of Arts and Crafts felt that the flag could have been greatly improved if they had been consulted in the process. “We specialize in design, and this piece of racist rubbish fluttering in the breeze will do nothing but denigrate our young nation. The whole world is laughing at us.”

A group of Portuguese immigrants, whose deepest desire was for the country to remain part of Portugal, set fire to the flag before television cameras. The protests went on and on. Hetty Moss was arrested on charges of.. of… anything. She was the first case tried in the new country. She was eventually found guilty of hedonism and put to death not simply because her flag promoted sexual deviancy, but because her great great great grandfather had once looked at another woman other than his wife.

Rest in peace Hetty Moss – although one hopes you rot in hell. Your hatred of humanity has goaded wayward youth backward and downward. Thank goodness we are getting a new flag. It has a red field charged in the canton with five golden stars. The design features one large star, with four smaller stars in a semicircle. The flag has inspired Harry Donaldson to pen a new set of words:

Loud cheers for the gold and red!
Gold and red! Gold and red!
Loud cheers for the gold and red!
Those who don’t agree, hit them on the head.

The new words don’t need a tune; everyone is already dancing to it.

764. Child labour

(Photo by Lewis Hine)

It was the year 1771. A motley crew of peasants had assembled outside the front door of the cotton mill. They were protesting over the owner’s treatment of children.

Children as young as six were being made to work in the mill for up to sixteen hours a day. He had whippers watching ready to whip if a child fell asleep. He chained the children to their work so they couldn’t run away.

So there they were, this dirty band of ignorant poor people standing outside his door. Making demands. Demands.

Sir Robert got his gun and shot the ring-leader dead. Yep. There was no quicker way to get them back to work.

Listen to the story being read HERE!