Tag Archives: pronouns

2435.  Jack’s babies

Jack Higgins had three daughters – April Higgins, May Higgins, and June Higgins. He was fast running out of appropriate month’s names for girls. What a relief it was to at last have a boy whom he named August Higgins. The names had little to do with the months they were born. The names were used simply because it was cute.

The middle names were another matter altogether. The middle names were the surnames of the fathers. There was April Dyer Higgins, May Butterworth Higgins, June Abbot Higgins, and August Bain Higgins. It was a good way to remember whose child was whose.

Jack was expecting again. The middle name was all settled – Verdonk-Bocxe. He got the name out of the paper because he didn’t know the name of the father. But as for the first name, Jack was in a quandary. It was impossible. Any suggestions?

2421. Happy Birthing Personage Day!

Ever since he was four Caleb had wanted to be an otorhinolaryngologist when he grew up. No one knows why he suddenly developed at interest in otorhinolaryngology but he did. As his birthing personage observed, at first we thought it was simply a vestige of aberrant behaviour instilled in him at the kindergarten, but we quickly disabused ourselves of the notion when he threatened that if he didn’t get his way he would become a teacher instead and espouse transgender critical race theory.

We hoped that the special book we bought him for his fifth birthday would help sort a few things out, but already Little Miss Muffat and Little Jack Horner are doing things behind the bike shed that we didn’t give a thought to doing before Year 11. As for Jack and Jill falling down the hill and Humpty-Dumpty falling off a wall… well… it simply consolidated his interest in otorhinolaryngology.

We dread the day when he gets to page 23 of his “Birthing Personage Goose” book that we gave him and discovers over-sexed Little Bo Peep and what Jack-Be-Nimble is doing to Peep’s sheep.

We’re thinking of dumping his childhood altogether and getting him started on harmless Quantum Mechanics.

1133. Pronouns-ment

Him:      So I said I reckon they’d say “We blame you for it”.

Her:       Blame me? Why blame me? I’ve nothing to do with it.

Him:      No. Blame me. I reckon they’d blame me.

Her:       So why did you say blame me if you meant blame you?

Him:      I didn’t. I said me all along.

Her:       You didn’t. You said me.

Him:      I did not. You’re not listening.

Her:       It’s you that’s not listening, not me.

Him:      Look! All I said was I reckon they’d say “It all your fault.” That’s all.

Her:       There you go again. Quite frankly, I’ve had enough. We’re obviously not getting along.

Him:      That’s what they’re blaming me for. They said “If the relationship doesn’t work it’ll be your fault.”

Her:       My fault?

Him:      My fault.

Her:       My fault.

Him:      My fault.

Her:       Well at least we agree on something.