Tag Archives: porn

1144. Porn in tent

Randy, Chuck, and Kurt were three teenagers on a boys’ camp. They were in the tent at night and Randy said, “Let’s see who can tell the best bit of porn.”

Kurt said he’d go first.

“There was the woman and she sent her son out one evening to get something for dinner. She told him to buy something decent and not come back with fast food. So he came back with some snails.”

“That’s not porn,” said Chuck.

“Oh,” said Kurt, “I thought you said corn.”

1113. News from Hickton-in-Sticks

It’s been a month now, perhaps six weeks, since the town of Hickton-in-Sticks got broadband. Mrs Myrtle Beech said it was a great disappointment. She had waited months, even years, to start a blog and thus far nothing had gone viral.

“Nothing has gone viral,” said Myrtle. “The whole thing’s a scam.”

Mr Bristol Port agreed.

“I’d looked forward to broadband excitedly,” said Bristol. “But once you’ve seen one porn site you’ve seen the lot. In fact I get a great deal more satisfaction looking into the mirror. It’s blown way out of proportion.”

Ms Savannah Field thought the whole thing was marvellous. She was the town’s school teacher and the online computer games at least got the kids off their phones.

“It’s great for me as a teacher,” said Savannah. “The kids log on first thing in the morning and by the end of the day they’re reluctant to go home. Computer games are certainly a great boon for a teacher, and getting broadband in Hickton-in-Sticks has improved the quality of education the kids are getting.”

“It’s a scam,” said Myrtle.

“It’s blown out of proportion,” said Bristol.

“Put it this way,” said Savannah. “Things have changed for the better since we’ve got broadband. In the last month only five people from Hickton-in-Sticks have committed suicide.”

498. Creaming soda milkshake

498milkshake

For years, Alexandra had grown up in a family that “struggled”. Well, they didn’t “struggle” exactly, but they had to watch the pennies. Alexandra’s parents couldn’t afford to go buy her a new frock every time there was a party, like the people across the road did for their daughter.

Alexandra’s father was a motor mechanic, and her two older brothers had followed their father into the same trade. They all worked at the same work shop.

Alexandra had turned eighteen. Now was the time for her to make something of her life. The local advertising agency wanted a model. It didn’t matter about the face; they wanted breasts. And the agency would pay well. This was the opportunity Alexandra had been waiting for. She could break free from the fetters of breadline income and make a pretty packet.

“Your breasts are exactly what we’re looking for,” said the agency. Her breasts were photographed like there was no tomorrow. It was for an advertisement for a new brand of creaming soda milkshake that was to appear in one of those fairly lurid magazines.

How exciting.

Several weeks later, Alexander was given a heap of money – in cash! She raced around to show her father and brothers.

“Look!” she said.

There on the wall of the lunch room at the mechanical workshop, her brother had torn a page from one of those fairly lurid magazines and pinned it to the wall.

WOOF! said her brothers and father, unknowingly.