Tag Archives: porn

1860. An obsession with porn

Neville knew all the online addresses of porn sites. At least he thought he did; only the free ones, mind you. He wasn’t going to pay for all that rubbish.

His wife of course had no idea. She thought he was engrossed in a computer game, or maybe some intelligent reading. After all, he was interested in animals, and when he could drag himself away from the internet he would watch National Geographic on the television, especially if it was about animals that weren’t so common. Every second animal program was about lions or elephants or giraffes. He wasn’t that interested in that sort of program. Those programs were so common they had become boring. His interest lay in the less common fauna on the planet. The program on the Australian Gulbaru Gecko for example was fascinating.

“You’re addicted to the animal in you,” his wife joked.

For a while Neville thought his wife had caught him watching the porn on his computer, but thankfully she was talking about his choice of television watching.

As time went on, things began to creep up on Neville. Was that a touch of Alzheimer’s? Was senility starting to set in? Indeed it was, and in the end rather quickly. It wasn’t long before his wife was at the end of her tether. He had to go into an environment that was both safe and secure.

In the Care Centre Neville’s lifetime obsession with porn became apparent. Looking at porn sites was all he did. Everyone could see it. It’s all he would talk about. His wife tried to get him to take some interest in the Australian Gulbaru Gecko, and other skinks, lizards, and geckos. All to no avail. For Neville it was porn or nothing.

Until the day he died.

1740. A tale of a transcriptionist

Randolph was quietly excited! He was getting the perfect job. He would never have imagined an opportunity like this would come his way.

For several years he had been a freelance transcriptionist. He worked from home, mainly transcribing medical videos and recordings. But now he was offered a job that would involve so many videos that transcribing them could amount to almost permanent employment. It would make him worry-free as to where the next job was coming from. He had been asked to transcribe a collection of pornographic videos. Imagine that! Getting paid to watch porn all day!

Randolph began the task with a great deal of enthusiasm. The first video took him over four days. He had enormous trouble transcribing all the grunting and oohing that went on. Most of these exclamations he didn’t have a clue how to spell. Basically he made the spelling up.

By the end of the first week he was bored silly. He never wanted to see another pornographic video again in his life. And he still had heaps of videos to transcribe. Weeks dragged on. He had porn coming out his ears. Honestly! It was the most mind-numbing experience of his life. He vowed NEVER! NEVER AGAIN!

And then he was asked to be a voiceover for a new recording of these movies. Yes! Yes! Now that could be interesting!

Randolph was quietly excited! He was getting the perfect job. He would never have imagined an opportunity like this would come his way.

1144. Porn in tent

Randy, Chuck, and Kurt were three teenagers on a boys’ camp. They were in the tent at night and Randy said, “Let’s see who can tell the best bit of porn.”

Kurt said he’d go first.

“There was the woman and she sent her son out one evening to get something for dinner. She told him to buy something decent and not come back with fast food. So he came back with some snails.”

“That’s not porn,” said Chuck.

“Oh,” said Kurt, “I thought you said corn.”

1113. News from Hickton-in-Sticks

It’s been a month now, perhaps six weeks, since the town of Hickton-in-Sticks got broadband. Mrs Myrtle Beech said it was a great disappointment. She had waited months, even years, to start a blog and thus far nothing had gone viral.

“Nothing has gone viral,” said Myrtle. “The whole thing’s a scam.”

Mr Bristol Port agreed.

“I’d looked forward to broadband excitedly,” said Bristol. “But once you’ve seen one porn site you’ve seen the lot. In fact I get a great deal more satisfaction looking into the mirror. It’s blown way out of proportion.”

Ms Savannah Field thought the whole thing was marvellous. She was the town’s school teacher and the online computer games at least got the kids off their phones.

“It’s great for me as a teacher,” said Savannah. “The kids log on first thing in the morning and by the end of the day they’re reluctant to go home. Computer games are certainly a great boon for a teacher, and getting broadband in Hickton-in-Sticks has improved the quality of education the kids are getting.”

“It’s a scam,” said Myrtle.

“It’s blown out of proportion,” said Bristol.

“Put it this way,” said Savannah. “Things have changed for the better since we’ve got broadband. In the last month only five people from Hickton-in-Sticks have committed suicide.”

498. Creaming soda milkshake

498milkshake

For years, Alexandra had grown up in a family that “struggled”. Well, they didn’t “struggle” exactly, but they had to watch the pennies. Alexandra’s parents couldn’t afford to go buy her a new frock every time there was a party, like the people across the road did for their daughter.

Alexandra’s father was a motor mechanic, and her two older brothers had followed their father into the same trade. They all worked at the same work shop.

Alexandra had turned eighteen. Now was the time for her to make something of her life. The local advertising agency wanted a model. It didn’t matter about the face; they wanted breasts. And the agency would pay well. This was the opportunity Alexandra had been waiting for. She could break free from the fetters of breadline income and make a pretty packet.

“Your breasts are exactly what we’re looking for,” said the agency. Her breasts were photographed like there was no tomorrow. It was for an advertisement for a new brand of creaming soda milkshake that was to appear in one of those fairly lurid magazines.

How exciting.

Several weeks later, Alexander was given a heap of money – in cash! She raced around to show her father and brothers.

“Look!” she said.

There on the wall of the lunch room at the mechanical workshop, her brother had torn a page from one of those fairly lurid magazines and pinned it to the wall.

WOOF! said her brothers and father, unknowingly.