Tag Archives: pork

1645. Half cut

When Trixie Caldhurst was offered “half a pig for the freezer” from a neighbouring farmer she was delighted. Half a pig was more than enough to keep her going in pork for a long, long time. It was going to be such a saving. What a kind and thoughtful neighbour! Trixie wouldn’t be able to thank them enough. She bought a bottle of wine and a thankyou card to express her thanks when the meat arrived.

Arrive it did! Trixie was most grateful. Except… it wasn’t chopped up. Half a pig was half a pig.

Trixie phoned her friend, Monica. They were both nearing their mid-seventies. Together they could hardly lift the half pig. Trixie looked up on the internet as to how to chop up a pig. The first thing was to split it in half. That was already done. As for the rest, the problem was even if they had the right tools they were in no position to weld them efficiently.

Monica went home and came back with a tomahawk and a hacksaw. Over the course of the next five hours they had the time of their lives. And a few wines. Monica was able to take home a good half of the half pig for herself.

“Necess… neceess.. nesissity is the muvva of invenshin,” declared Trixie at the end of the day. The pork chops were nothing like one would buy in the shop. But, my word, said Trixie pouring a celebration wine, there’s nothing more delightful than a home-chopped chalk pop!

690. No chest pain

690pork

Libby had just picked her husband, Jonathan, up from the hospital. He’d been there for “more than a few days” for a rather serious operation. It’s amazing what medical science can do these days. The surgeon (he was from the Middle East; hospitals are such cosmopolitan places!) had replaced one of Jonathan’s heart valves with a pig’s valve. They can do it! They did it! Jonathan was feeling a box of birds!

The thing he most looked forward to was a decent meal. Not that there was anything wrong with the hospital food. It was quite alright. But Libby’s home cooking was much nicer. It was so carefully prepared, so tasty. And of course, being at home, the meal could be eaten leisurely in familiar surroundings without everyone looking. How tired he was of eating from a tray!
And how wonderful it will be, with his brand new pig’s valve, to eat without chest pain!

“So what’s for dinner?” asked Jonathan.

“Roast pork,” said Libby. “The surgeon gave it to me. He said there was quite a lot of pork left over.”