2507. Good Heavens!

After considerable pressure from animal lovers God relented and began to allow pets in heaven – provided of course that people cleaned up any mess.

“Let this be a lesson to all,” declared God, “that I am open to hearing prayerful petitions from good people.”

What excitement ensued! Lillian McPherson got her eleven dogs in a flash, to say nothing of Christopher Flannery’s seven cats, and Josephine Williamson’s seventeen rabbits.

The pets increased the delight of heaven even more than previously. Many an angel bent to pat a cat, and many a cherub gave dog-owners a break by taking the dog for a walk. All was wonderful for several years; all faithfully cleaned up after their pets.

Then suddenly Eleanor Whiddleworthy died and entered heaven through the pearly gates. While on Earth Eleanor Whiddleworthy had been a note-worthy person. She had spear-headed the fight to rid the world of plastic, she had spearheaded the fight to save planet Earth’s forest. Upon entering heaven she gathered like-minded people about her.

God was petitioned: rid heaven of plastic and stop the cutting down of forests. After considerable pressure God relented and banned plastic bags and the felling of trees to make paper bags and other wood-based commodities.

Poor pet owners! Oh the smell with no bags to gather poo!

2027. It was the Rainbow gave thee birth

This is a personal reflection which could be construed as a story. Outside my window, especially in the early mornings, there are usually two or three kingfishers sitting on the fence looking down into the long grass. Suddenly one of them will swoop down, gather something, and return to the fence. Presumably they are looking for insects or lizards or worms or whatever.

I like them. At primary school we were given a poem to learn off by heart by William Henry Davies called The Kingfisher:

 It was the Rainbow gave thee birth, 
 And left thee all her lovely hues; 
 And, as her mother’s name was Tears, 
 So runs it in thy blood to choose 
 For haunts the lonely pools, and keep 
 In company with trees that weep. 

In all my years I have always wanted to find a kingfisher’s nest and never have. They peck a tunnel/cave into a dirt bank and raise a family in there. The local farmer said that at the back of his farm there is a bank where the kingfishers have their nests. And then…

Just out my window, on a clay bank, a pair of kingfishers pecked a hole! They dug a cave and presumably laid some eggs. I didn’t like to go too near lest a disturbance drove them away. Things settled down. I rarely saw the pair but could hear them calling all the time with their repetitive call. Meanwhile the bank below the hole was collecting more and more poo.

That’s all there is to see. No sight of babies, but poo poo poo.

A hole in a bank, repetitive calls, and poo poo poo. I’ve always been a bit of a romantic.

954. African Dung Beetle

What a furore! It was in all the papers. Farmers wanted to introduce the African Dung Beetle to the country.

“There’s too much cow shit lying about,” said Farmer Harry. “It can’t decompose fast enough. The cow poo needs a helping hand, and the African Dung Beetle is just what the doctor ordered. It’s just the ticket. It’s almost too good to be true.”

The members of Gaea, the Mother Earth Society, were up in arms.

“The introduction of a foreign species will cause irreparable harm to the balance of the environment. For starters, it will increase the amount of methane floating into the stratosphere.”

The Government intervened. They set up a Commission to investigate the pros and cons of introducing the African Dung Beetle. Farmer Harry was appointed chairperson.

“Farmer Harry is a farmer,” protested Gaea, the Mother Earth Society. “He is in favour of the introduction of the African Dung Beetle. There’s no chance in hell he could be objective.”

So the Government appointed Ms Brasilia Bojovic-Hogwood to be the chairperson of the Commission. She was the Founding President of Gaea, the Mother Earth Society.

Gaea, the Mother Earth Society’s members were delighted.

“At last!” they said, “some objectivity can be brought into the discussion.”

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