Tag Archives: pee

1532: Walk to the window

(The opening sentence for this story was suggested by Uma of One Grain Amongst the Storm. If you want to join in the fun of suggesting a future opening sentence for these stories, click here for a peek as to what’s what.)

One more time, he stood up and walked to the window. That was the trouble working in a busy office seven stories up with only one bathroom. At present, Dolores was probably in the bathroom applying yet another layer of makeup, or Gavin was there mesmerized by his muscles in the mirror. Bathrooms weren’t for any of that. Japendra wanted to pee. Looking at the street view from seven stories up might take his mind off what was fast becoming an urgent necessity.

There, way down in the street, a mother was comforting a toddler who had dropped an ice cream in the gutter. Japendra wanted to dash down and buy the kid another ice cream. The world is full of such hurts. In fact, he would like to buy every kid in the world an ice cream. But why stop there? Why not buy everyone in the world an ice cream? And there, not far from the mother, was a man looking through his wallet like he had lost a fortune. There! He’s found it! It’s just a bit of paper. Probably a grocery list of things to purchase on his way home that his wife had given him. Finding the list could well save him from divorce. And passing in the street, a dilapidated old car, putt-putting quite a bit of smoke from… Ah! but Dolores had just appeared exiting from the bathroom door…

Japendra didn’t want to overdo his haste. It was a busy office after all. People would notice. He wanted to appear nonchalant. He sauntered towards the door. Just as he arrived, Jock pushed past. “Gotta pee,” said Jock.

Japendra returned to his desk. One more time, he stood up and walked to the window.

651. Pissed off

© Bruce Goodman 23 July 2015


It used to annoy Eugene Donaldson immensely. Harry the neighbour, unaffectionately known by the locals as Dirty Harry, used to pee on the boundary fence. Eugene didn’t give a dying duck about seeing Dirty Harry’s diddle. What annoyed him was the uric acid on his lemons.

“Don’t do it,” said Eugene. “I’m sick of getting your C5H4N4O3 on my lemon trees.”

“It’s good for your lemons,” said Dirty Harry.

Eugene attached an electric cable to the fence. He sat in his kitchen watching through the window with his hand on the switch.

Out came Dirty Harry. Out came his diddle.


Dirty Harry never peed again on the lemon trees.

It had its down side though. Eugene’s trees didn’t produce half as many lemons.