Tag Archives: ordinary

2372. Run-of-the-mill day

(I had another story scheduled for today but have taken it down because it was about contemporary events and at present they are making me irrational. So I wrote another).

Salathiel Twigg woke up that morning and wasn’t quite sure how to fill in his day. Some days would fill in themselves; other days crawled on like they would never end. But today would not be a crawl-along day; it was going to be one of consequence.

After he showered and dressed (he always did that in the same boring order) he had breakfast. There was a cold sausage in the fridge left over from the previous day’s dinner. He microwaved it (just to take the chill off) and had it with a slice of buttered toast. He needed to go shopping for groceries and one of the things needed was tomato sauce. However, for the time being, he ate the unchilled sausage without any tomato sauce.

He could have used pickle because he had an unopened jar of chilli pickle in his pantry but he couldn’t get the lid off, and the get-the-lid-off-a-jar contraption was in a drawer for some reason in another room. So he couldn’t be bothered getting it and ate the sausage just as it was.

After that fairly run-of-the-mill opening, the day could only get better. And hopefully it did. After breakfast, he left his home to join his neighbours who were fighting the invading Russians. He had never done anything like that before and was more than a bit scared.

1712. High standards

(Someone asked me, why don’t you write something depressing? I think they were being sarcastic. Anyway, here it is.)

Lachlan had lived an average sort of life. He’d told the odd fib, but it didn’t amount to much. He’d given the occasional dollar to the Salvation Army during their Annual Appeal. He’d paid his taxes. He never once got a ticket for speeding. He’d been worn to a frazzle rearing his kids and driving van-loads of exuberant youths to this game and that, and so on. It was an average sort of life.

Eventually he died. He joined the line at the Pearly Gates.

Saint Peter said, “You lived an average sort of life. The standard here is very high. I’m sorry but you’ve missed out.”

“Oh, dear!” said Lachlan. “So I’m going to Hell?”

“No,” said Saint Peter, “as a consolation prize we’re sending you into oblivion.”