Tag Archives: nurse

1160. No nonsense

There could be no doubt that Nurse Frieda was efficient. People suspected she was soft as butter underneath, but no one ever saw it. And since when was butter soft, especially if it was cold?

Nurse Frieda was ideal for the old peoples’ hospital. A command was a command. “Get in the shower” meant “Get in the shower”. “Eat your vegetables” meant “Eat your vegetables”.

How exciting it was that Marlene was about to turn 100! “A hundred is a hundred” said Nurse Frieda, and indeed it was, although one couldn’t help but get a little excited. After all, Marlene was expecting a congratulatory telegram from the monarch of England, and there would be a cake and candles, and perhaps even a little sip of wine.

Marlene was born at quarter past six in the morning of October 20th. At midnight, Marlene declared that she had reached 100! Her birthday had arrived!

Unfortunately Marlene died suddenly at a quarter to five. “Strictly speaking she never reached 100,” declared Nurse Frieda. She took the congratulatory telegram and screwed it up. She took the candles off the cake. “She certainly didn’t reach 100. Goodness me! Let’s be clear about that.”

It’s always good to have someone in an old peoples’ hospital who accepts no nonsense.

778. My dog has fleas

778ukelele

When Selwyn was a boy he learned the ukulele. He would tune the strings – as does every ukulele player – to the tune of MY DOG HAS FLEAS.

778bukelele

These days Selwyn is in his fifties. He gets twenty-four hour care. He goes around singing MY DOG HAS FLEAS. No one has a clue what he’s talking about. Well, no one had a clue until Nurse Veronica came along. She knew exactly what it was about.

“You wash your mouth out with soap and water,” said Nurse Veronica. “We’re not having that kind of language here in my hospital.”

“MY DOG HAS FLEAS,” said Selwyn.

“You wash your mouth out with soap and water,” said Nurse Veronica. “We’re not having that kind of language here in my hospital.”

Poor Natalie! She looks after both of them. She has the patience of a saint.