Tag Archives: names

1109. Lorna

Lorna disliked her name. Some kids at school would ridicule her: “Lorna needs mowing” and “Do you wash your clothes in the Lorna-dry?” and so on. These kids thought they were clever, but Lorna was hurt. She wanted to change her name.

“Can I change my name?” she asked her mother.

“Perhaps you could use your middle name,” suggested her mother. Lorna’s middle name was Elizabeth.

Lorna said she’d think about it. And then… quite by accident… Lorna discovered…

Lorna Doone: A Romance of Exmoor, a novel by Richard Doddridge Blackmore. She loved it! Why would she ever want to change her name from Lorna? Lorna! The woman who married the handsome and brave Jan Ridd! The woman who lived happily ever after!

846. Little Bo Peep

846peep

When Gloria and Klaus has their first, and as it turned out their only, baby – a girl – she was the cutest new-born on earth. She was so cute in fact that they called her Little Bo Peep.

“Oh what a cute baby!” people would say. “What is she called?”

“Little Bo Peep!”

“What a perfect name for someone so cute!”

By the age of five, Little Bo Peep had grown ringlets in her hair. She was even cuter.

At high school, Little Bo Peep dropped the “Little”. It was too babyish.

In her early twenties, Bo Peep began to spell her name B-E-A-U Peep. Then later she changed the spelling of Peep to P-E-P-Y-S. Quite frankly, she’s grown out of her cuteness.

These days, Beau Pepys is head of a gigantic international corporation. There’s the occasional snigger, but it’s always followed by a head roll.

550. When Patsy fell in love

550patsy

When Patsy fell in love with Jock it was like… like… it was wonderful! Raindrops were pearls of sunshine. Her pet canary sang ten times more melodiously than ever, ever, before.

She had always wondered what name in life she would end up with. Yes, she would take her husband’s name for sure: Mrs P. Barker? Mrs P. Millman? Mrs P. Nelson? Mrs P. … As a teenager, she had practiced with every boy in the class; her signature, that is, with their surnames.

And now the man of her dreams had come into her life. He proposed! Patsy said “Yes!”

Mrs P. Ennis.

Patsy thought she might keep her own name.

343. Naming rite

343naming

Vicky and Rick Smith had a baby boy. How wonderful! They were so excited, as is usual for brand new parents. But what to call the boy? They’d had months to think up names. Every name each suggested was not liked by the other.

“We’ll wait until he’s born,” suggested Vicky. That way we’ll see if a name suits.” It was just an excuse. They simply couldn’t agree.

Now the baby was five weeks old and still didn’t have a name. A compromise was reached: the rugby was on TV. We’ll call the baby after the first person to score a try. There was Josh, Andrew, Glen, Todd, Justin, Carlos, Taine, Simon…

“What about surnames?” suggested Rick. “They can be quite fashionable.”

There was Kronfeld, Mehrtens, Osborne, Marshall, Spenser, Randell, Culhane…

“Let’s go for the surname,” said Vicky. And that’s what they did!

The first try was scored! Wow! At last, the baby had a name! Welcome to the world, Blackadder Smith!

224. Initials

224initials

Mrs. Rachel Anne Field had a thing about initials. This was because her maiden name was Turnbull, and she had grown up with the initials of RAT. How people teased her.

“Never give a middle name starting with a vowel,” she always said. “A middle name starting with a vowel can easily form a word.”

She was careful to name her daughters with acceptable initials. She didn’t want them teased like she had been. There was Carol Beatrice Field and Wanda Tammy Field.

Their initials couldn’t possible form a word. Of course, they were born before texting.

141. Simplifying life

141simplifying

Patricia née Jones had a certain fascination with foreign men; which is why she had married four of them over the years.

First there was an Australian, then a man from Madagascar, then a Pole, and finally a cricket-playing gentleman from Sri Lanka.

It was very confusing for herself and her children to have a mother with a different surname, especially when it came to school. And if each child had a different surname as well… goodness! how confusing! To streamline things, she simply hyphenated each surname each time she garnered a new husband. It made life a lot more straightforward, and one wonders why more people don’t adopt such an easy system for themselves and their children when they marry several times.

Certainly, Patricia Jayawickrama-Brzenczyszczykiewicz-Razafindrandriatsimaniry-Smith’s four children were grateful. (As were their teachers).

139. Name calling

139namecalling

It started when Ivan Warren Sturgess went on a world tour. Everywhere he went in the world, he would call his name is a loud voice:

IVAN WARREN STURGESS!

“My name has echoed around the world”, he used to say.

On the steps of Saint Peter’s in Rome:

IVAN WARREN STURGESS!

Up the Eiffel Tower in Paris:

IVAN WARREN STURGESS!

At the Taj Mahal in Agra, India:

IVAN WARREN STURGESS!

On and on it went. At China’s Great Wall:

IVAN WARREN STURGESS!

IVAN WARREN STURGESS!

IVAN WARREN STURGESS!

Now that he was back home, and even if driving along a lonely country lane where he had never been before, he would wind down the car window and shout out:

IVAN WARREN STURGESS!

It so happened that Ivan Warren Sturgess died. He was an egotist; he was not yet ready for heaven, claimed God. His name had echoed undeservedly around the world. He must walk the earth as an ill-tempered spirit and shout his name in every place he’d missed.

“All over the world. Down every country lane,” said God.

“That will take an eternity,” said Ivan Warren Sturgess.

The Devil had a good cackle over that one.