Joy Johnson must’ve been the grumpiest person on the planet.
“Your father wanted to call you Chastity,” said her mother, “but I vetoed it. Thank God for that.”
When Fontanelle discovered that there was a brand of bird seed using her very name as a brand name, she quickly changed (she was fifteen years old and her mother said she could) her name to Maybelle, totally oblivious to the fact that Maybelle was a brand of baby wipes. Couple that with the fact that her family name was Bogjiss, which no one knew how to pronounce, and that school acquaintances called her Boggy for short.
Fontanelle retreated into her shell considerably. Now that she’s older and married, she doesn’t give a stuff. In fact, when she married she convinced her husband to be the one to change his surname to Bogjiss. These days, Maybelle and Mjassischtschew Bogjiss are as happy as a box of birds.
Lorna disliked her name. Some kids at school would ridicule her: “Lorna needs mowing” and “Do you wash your clothes in the Lorna-dry?” and so on. These kids thought they were clever, but Lorna was hurt. She wanted to change her name.
“Can I change my name?” she asked her mother.
“Perhaps you could use your middle name,” suggested her mother. Lorna’s middle name was Elizabeth.
Lorna said she’d think about it. And then… quite by accident… Lorna discovered…
Lorna Doone: A Romance of Exmoor, a novel by Richard Doddridge Blackmore. She loved it! Why would she ever want to change her name from Lorna? Lorna! The woman who married the handsome and brave Jan Ridd! The woman who lived happily ever after!
When Gloria and Klaus has their first, and as it turned out their only, baby – a girl – she was the cutest new-born on earth. She was so cute in fact that they called her Little Bo Peep.
“Oh what a cute baby!” people would say. “What is she called?”
“Little Bo Peep!”
“What a perfect name for someone so cute!”
By the age of five, Little Bo Peep had grown ringlets in her hair. She was even cuter.
At high school, Little Bo Peep dropped the “Little”. It was too babyish.
In her early twenties, Bo Peep began to spell her name B-E-A-U Peep. Then later she changed the spelling of Peep to P-E-P-Y-S. Quite frankly, she’s grown out of her cuteness.
These days, Beau Pepys is head of a gigantic international corporation. There’s the occasional snigger, but it’s always followed by a head roll.
When Patsy fell in love with Jock it was like… like… it was wonderful! Raindrops were pearls of sunshine. Her pet canary sang ten times more melodiously than ever, ever, before.
She had always wondered what name in life she would end up with. Yes, she would take her husband’s name for sure: Mrs P. Barker? Mrs P. Millman? Mrs P. Nelson? Mrs P. … As a teenager, she had practiced with every boy in the class; her signature, that is, with their surnames.
And now the man of her dreams had come into her life. He proposed! Patsy said “Yes!”
Mrs P. Ennis.
Patsy thought she might keep her own name.
Vicky and Rick Smith had a baby boy. How wonderful! They were so excited, as is usual for brand new parents. But what to call the boy? They’d had months to think up names. Every name each suggested was not liked by the other.
“We’ll wait until he’s born,” suggested Vicky. That way we’ll see if a name suits.” It was just an excuse. They simply couldn’t agree.
Now the baby was five weeks old and still didn’t have a name. A compromise was reached: the rugby was on TV. We’ll call the baby after the first person to score a try. There was Josh, Andrew, Glen, Todd, Justin, Carlos, Taine, Simon…
“What about surnames?” suggested Rick. “They can be quite fashionable.”
There was Kronfeld, Mehrtens, Osborne, Marshall, Spenser, Randell, Culhane…
“Let’s go for the surname,” said Vicky. And that’s what they did!
The first try was scored! Wow! At last, the baby had a name! Welcome to the world, Blackadder Smith!
Mrs. Rachel Anne Field had a thing about initials. This was because her maiden name was Turnbull, and she had grown up with the initials of RAT. How people teased her.
“Never give a middle name starting with a vowel,” she always said. “A middle name starting with a vowel can easily form a word.”
She was careful to name her daughters with acceptable initials. She didn’t want them teased like she had been. There was Carol Beatrice Field and Wanda Tammy Field.
Their initials couldn’t possible form a word. Of course, they were born before texting.