2578. Piffle

“Why do they say we live on the Blue Planet when it’s grey and overcast most of the time, and the sea is grey and dull, and it’s so misty I can hardly drive the car on the grey highway amidst the grey landscape?”

Clearly the children’s teacher was in a bad mood. These days Ms Atholby was frequently in a bad mood. Her boyfriend had proposed marriage and she had said “No!” Why people still went for these old-fashioned, dated practices she had no idea. They had lived together for three years so why get married?

“And so children you’ve only got to look out the window to know that the climate has already changed. When I was younger it was sunny most days. Now it’s all drizzle and piffle.”

Most in the class didn’t know what “piffle” meant. Sophia thought it sounded like a swear word. Nicholas agreed. He had heard his mother use the word “piffle” quite often, especially when she was talking about his father’s sister, Aunty Autumn. “Piffle” and “Twaddle” – they were both swear words.

“You see class,” continued Ms Atholby, “a lot of people think that climate change is a load of twaddle, but that’s hogwash.”

This was proof enough for the young students. “Piffle”, “Twaddle” and now “Hogwash” were all swear words and to be whispered in the playground.

“You hear so much hogwash from climate change deniers these days.”

Naughty Dominic called out “TWADDLE!” and the whole class laughed.

Ms Atholby put the class on detention. How she wished she’d said yes to the marriage proposal.

1364. Stella’s foul mood

Stella was in a foul mood. For several weeks she had planned her little Easter Sunday party for her daughter, son-in-law and their three young children.

They came to lunch quite often, but this Easter Sunday would be special because… because it was Easter Sunday. Stella prepared the menu meticulously. She spent hours painting and decorating eggs for the children. And now all was ready!

Early in the morning, Stella wandered her garden hiding chocolate eggs for the children to find. She had prepared the vegetables. The rack of lamb was on the bench ready for the oven. For dessert they were to have blackberry pie with her special homemade honey ice cream!

Late morning Stella’s daughter phoned. Arnie the son-in-law was feeling off-colour. Could Stella come and pick her and the kids up? But Stella’s car was broken down. I thought I told you. Not to worry, said the daughter, we weren’t that keen to come today anyway as they had been invited to a friend’s place and Arnie was keen to go there. Not to worry, said Stella.

Stella didn’t quite know what to do. She went over to the neighbours on the left hand side who had two young children. Would they like to come and hunt for Easter eggs in her garden? We’re not Christians and we don’t believe in all that stuff.

Stella went over to the middle-aged neighbours on the right hand side. Would they care for some chocolate eggs? Chocolate is chocolate, they said. They came. They hunted for the eggs. They stayed for a delightful rack of lamb and a blackberry pie. A convivial time was had by all. They had recently won millions in the lottery. Their win was a secret. They bought Stella a brand new car.

1363. Mary’s foul mood

It should have been the happiest day of her life – well, perhaps it should have been one of the four happiest days of her life because this was her fourth marriage – but Mary was in a foul mood. Nothing was going right for this wedding. Nothing had gone right during the preparations. And now (she had discovered this only during the wedding rehearsal the night before) she was infatuated by the best man.

He was so handsome, so masculine, so… so unlike the little weedy creature she was meant to get married to in a few hours. Dirk was Rupert’s best man. They had been life time friends. Mary had no idea why. They were so different. They had nothing in common. Rupert spent his free time reading and playing mah-jong on his computer. Dirk was into tennis and fishing and mountain climbing. And he had spent time in the army – not to mention the time he spent in the gym.

Oh! What to do? What to do? Should she call the wedding off? There was a toaster and a few other bits and pieces among the wedding gifts she liked. It would be churlish to call the wedding off.

Suddenly, Mary’s foul mood disappeared. She had a thought! She would go through with the wedding. Of course, the marriage would quickly crumble, but it would be a good way of getting to Dirk.