2077. Enrique’s sandwich bar

Enrique came up with a brilliant plan. His sandwich bar in the side street downtown had been doing poorly. He estimated that within a week he would have to close down. The rent had become impossible. Fewer and fewer lunchtime patrons seem to call. A drastic change was called for; perhaps a final fling.

Enrique’s brilliant plan was this: he would go bizarre. The Bizarre Sandwich Bar had a ring to it. It was everything or nothing.

Lots and lots of strange combinations ensued: banana and lettuce sandwiches, tomato and honey sandwiches, leek and strawberry sandwiches… There was no end to Enrique’s imagination. People were in for a risk; a dare. Have you tried Enrique’s peanut butter and dried apricot sandwich?

Can I have just a plain ham sandwich please? Certainly not; there’s nothing bizarre about that.

Enrique’s experiment was a complete flop.

1381. Poor pawpaw

Wayne’s mother was a solo mother. She didn’t have much to go on. She put Wayne first of course. She always packed him as nice a lunch for school as possible, even though it usually wasn’t much.

On this particular day, all she had was one small pawpaw. Wayne took it to school.

During the lunch break he sat next to Lawrence. Lawrence’s parents were rather well off. For lunch he had some ham sandwiches, and an orange, and a big slice of chocolate cake. When he saw Wayne’s pawpaw he said that he had never tasted a pawpaw, and could he have it. So Wayne gave him his pawpaw.

Then Wayne asked if he could have a bit of Lawrence’s chocolate cake. Lawrence said no he couldn’t. So Wayne had nothing for lunch, and Lawrence had ham sandwiches, an orange, a big slice of chocolate cake, and a pawpaw.

The world is divided into haves and have nots; winners and losers. Guess who is the loser in this tale!

1282. Kitty’s obsession

Katrina, sometimes called Kitty and sometimes Kit depending on… on… absolutely nothing, was enthusiastically into yoga. It was yoga for breakfast, lunch and dinner – as the saying goes. To all intents and purposes it could be said that she was addicted to it. An obsession!

Personally I can’t stand the stuff. If anyone offered me yoga for breakfast I’d say, no thanks just a slice of toast and a coffee will do me fine.

1151. Out to lunch

Two people worked in the office, Patricia and Evelyn. Well three people actually counting Mavis the cleaning lady who popped in and out periodically. When Patricia’s aunt died, she left Patricia two and a half thousand dollars! A favourite aunt indeed!

Patricia was so excited that she suggested to Evelyn that they go out to lunch together to celebrate. “And I’m paying,” said Patricia.

“You’ve no idea,” said Evelyn later (in confidence) to Mavis the cleaning lady, “you’ve no idea. She took me to Mr Slice’s Tea rooms and ordered a cheese and onion sandwich each. You’d think with all that money she’d be able to do better than that.”

“She’s a few crumbs short of a cake,” said Mavis (the cleaning lady). “Count your lucky stars. I didn’t get even a cheese and onion sandwich.”

1037. I won’t be needing that

His wife made him a lovely sandwich lunch plus an apple to take with him.

I won’t be needing that, he said.

His wife fetched him his raincoat to take with him.

I won’t be needing that, he said.

His wife gave him some coins to take with him.

I won’t be needing that, he said.

His wife printed off directions of how to get there.

I won’t be needing that, he said.

Mukhtar went down to the crowded railway station and blew himself up.

926. Lunch time

Claudine and Arnie were taking their three kids on a visit to grandma’s. Claudine packed a nice lunch to eat on the way. It was a four hour drive.

“We’ll stop somewhere in the car and have lunch,” said Claudine.

It was lunch time.

“What about stopping here for lunch?” suggested Arnie.

“It’s too much of a built-up area,” said Claudine. “Drive a little more into the country and we’ll find a nice shady tree to sit under. In fact, just a bit further on is a little river with a good swimming hole that the kids would enjoy.”

“We really need to stop for a quick lunch,” said Arnie, “and get to where we’re going. They haven’t got time for a swim.”

Claudine “won” the “discussion”. They stopped next to the little river and the kids went for a swim in the swimming hole.

Hester, the middle child, drowned.

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