2535. Toxic flowers

Austin’s next-door neighbour had twenty-four cats. No kidding. They swarmed all over the place, including on Austin’s property. Austin detested them. He didn’t mind a cat now and again, but twenty-four of them were a horror.

Besides being everywhere, they seemed to favour Austin’s lettuce patch in the garden to do a certain business. There was only one thing for it: he planted lilies all around his garden. They’re poisonous to cats. Problem solved.

Austin’s next-door neighbour had one cat. At least for a while.

2521. Ezra’s lily plot

Ezra Connell had a lily garden. It was quite big. Lilies were his hobby. And what a picture it was when they were in flower!

When his wife was alive she had an allergy to lily pollen so certain varieties of lilies were banned. But now that she had passed on he could cultivate whatever variety of lily he wanted.

He had Asiatic lilies in one section of the garden and Oriental lilies in another. He had even tried to cross an Asiatic with an Oriental but the result looked a bit like someone had dragged the bloom through the mud. Another area was for Martagon lilies, and these were probably his favourite. Another area was for Tiger lilies, and yet another for Trumpet lilies. He even had quite a range of Patio lilies growing in pots and placed against the garden wall.

Thank goodness he had all this because Ezra Connell’s lily plot is the only plot you’ll find in this story.

1072. Lilies and cats

Kenneth had an allergy to pollen. He was especially plagued by pollen from lilies. Of course, Eunice, his wife, absolutely loved lilies. She would fill the vases with lilies every Easter, and poor Kenneth was left sneezing, wheezing, and weeping throughout the entire Paschal Season.

“It’s not Easter without lilies,” declared Eunice.

“It not Easter without hay fever,” said Kenneth.

Kenneth would get a pair of scissors and cut the pollen-laden stamens off. By the time he’d finished he was a blubbering, weeping mess. It was the same every year.

“You’ve ruined the lilies,” said Eunice. “Now I’ll have to get more.”

What a providential day it was when Eunice came home from the doctor’s and announced the discovery that she was allergic to cat fur.

“Thank goodness we don’t have a cat,” laughed Eunice.

Kenneth smiled.