Tag Archives: life saving

2619.  Swim between the flags

It was summer and Mr. and Mrs. Barriball bundled their three children up and loaded them into the car. They were off to the beach for the day!

The Surf Lifesaving Club had put up flags on the beach. People were to swim between the flags if they wanted to be rescued if they got into trouble.

Mr Barriball thought that was silly. “There’s a lot more space to enjoy oneself in the water without a crowd of fat people splashing around.”

At the end of the day Mr and Mrs Barriball bundled their three children up and loaded them into the car. They were off home! “See,” said Mr. Barriball,” I told you that swimming between the flags was a silly idea.” He gesticulated grandly as he spoke.

“Slow down a bit on the corners, dear,” said Mrs. Balliball.

“The speed indications they give on corners are always far too slow,” said Mr. Balliball. “You can almost always double the speed indicated.”

Mr. and Mrs. Balliball and their three children arrived home in no time.

704. Anyway, there was this girl


Anyway, there was this girl. I had only just met her the night before, at a party at the surf club. Not that I belonged to the surf club but anyone could go to the beach party, and since I was staying at the beach for a week or so over summer I went to the party. And I met this girl.

And the next day we accidently ran into each other again, and we were lying next to each other on our towels on the sand. We were sunbathing. And I asked her if she could rub some suntan lotion on my back, hoping of course that one thing would lead to another. Not on the beach mind, but later somewhere or something. So she rubbed the suntan lotion on my back, and I had to make sure I didn’t turn over because that could’ve been embarrassing, with me in my speedos.

And then she asked me to rub suntan lotion on her back and the strings to the top part of her bikini were undone and I had to turn over but what the heck, these things are just natural anyway. So I did that and we were lying down again when this big muscular freak came ambling up the beach like he owned it. And he was one of the surf life-savers who spend three quarters of their day in the gym and the other quarter hoping people wouldn’t drown. And he kicked sand all over my back, which was greasy from the suntan lotion.

Well, I thought I’d better not make a fuss, because of the girl. I wanted her to see how nice I really was. And the guy came back and kicked more sand, and this time at the girl as well. So I said, “What did you do that for?” and he just laughed and said, “Go fuck yourself.”

Then the girl said, “Why didn’t you stand up for me, you wimp?” and I said I was just trying to be nice.

So the girl upped and left and ran after the muscular surfer, and as far as I know they went into the back of the surfing club building, and whatever-her-name-is and the surfer have been doing it for the last half hour.

Listen the story being read HERE!