Tag Archives: lies

2472. Mirror Mirror

The ugly, wicked Queen would look into the Mirror and ask “Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”

The Mirror would always respond with, “You are the most beautiful person on the planet, you gorgeous thing. When you look into the Mirror I reflect sunshine and rose petals, and hear the soft cooing of turtle doves.”

“Quite frankly,” responded the Queen as always, “I’m not surprised.”

When the ugly, wicked  Queen’s daughter, a real beautiful Princess, looked into the Mirror and asked the same question, the Mirror always responded the same: “Are you trying to crack me up, you ugly, lying, dog-faced pony soldier?”

When the ugly, wicked Queen died, which she eventually did, she took with her the knowledge that she was the most beautiful person in the world. Thank goodness she had purchased that Mirror from a second hand store when there was a sale on. It had brought much Truth and Honesty to her life.

What the ugly, wicked Queen never knew was that the Mirror had learnt its tricks off its first owner: a politician.

1082. Jack and Jill my foot

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after

Up Jack got and home did trot
As fast as he could caper
He went to bed and bound his head
With vinegar and brown paper.

Have you ever heard such balderdash?

The only reason they went “up the hill” was because “hill” rhymes with “Jill”. Obviously, one doesn’t go UP a hill to get water. If anything, one would go DOWN. In fact, they could have gone to a well to get water. It certainly makes more sense. All they need do is change the name from “Jill” to “Nell”.

Jack and Nell went to a well.

It’s possible they went to a “water hole in the bog”, but what girl’s name rhymes with “water hole in the bog”? Brook?

Jack fell down and broke his crown. Presumably they mean “crown of the head”. Well, if he broke that he’d be dead and not capering home to wrap things up with vinegar and brown paper. In all likelihood, he broke his arm. But “arm” doesn’t rhyme with “down”. At least not in my book.

Lies! Lies! Lies! I shudder to think of the lies that have been told throughout history for the sake of a rhyme. Imagine the fibs told by Shakespeare in all those sonnets. No wonder he wrote his plays in blank verse. And the whoppers scattered throughout Milton’s Paradise Lost. Phew! We won’t even begin to go into the Iliad and the Odyssey.

I could indeed go on about Jack and Jill to illustrate further this proclivity to lie for the sake of rhyme, but I won’t. Suffice to say that “water” doesn’t rhyme with “after” like the author clearly thinks it does. This makes it a lie in an unrhyme. Is there nothing true and sacred left in this world of ours?