1999. Rich kids

Roman was one of those rich, spoiled, has-everything young men who at age twenty-three lived in his mansion with a swimming pool and drove a sports car around for no reason other than to impress.

His bed was gigantic and with the push of a button the ceiling would open and expose the night sky. Enough is enough in this description; imagine a luxury and it was his.

All his wealth came from his squandering parents. Who needs an education when you’ve got money? Who needs a job when you’ve got money? Indolence was Roman’s middle name. He didn’t like his parents much. In fact, they were a bit of a nuisance at times.

The problem was that Roman was prone to boredom. On his own bat he created and built the most extravagant out door bar around his swimming pool. To be fair, it was genuinely impressive. Every type of glass, every type of bottle, every type of olive and orange zest, was on display. Such extravagance was instantly marvelled at the minute a visitor pulled into the driveway. What use are riches if they can’t be seen?

One day Roman met Yelena. She was from a rich family too, so sumptuousness wasn’t a novelty for her. She was just the right sort of woman for Roman. And he kind of liked her. He picked her up on the first date in his cacky-yellow Lamborghini. (Many rich people have no idea of class).

After three dates they were inseparable. After four dates, wonder of wonders! Roman let Yelena drive his Lamborghini. Not fast of course, but tentatively and with prudence. If she wanted speed, he would have to drive.

What excitement! Yelena drove twice around the block with Roman as a passenger. She pulled into the driveway. Roman patted her on the knee and her foot slipped. The car rushed forward at a tumultuous speed (2.9 seconds from zero to 100 kph) and smashed Roman’s personally made bar to smithereens, landing the Lamborghini in the swimming pool.

Imagine the rage! Imagine the disbelief! Imagine the cursing (no don’t)! Imagine trying to resurrect a relationship after that! But they didn’t have to try to resurrect a thing; they both drowned.

1025. See what I mean?

Let me get one thing straight. You jokers, all you jokers who want to be rich, it’s no fun being rich. It’s no fun being famous. I might be a film star but life’s not all a bed of roses. Let me illustrate.

Yesterday my wife walked out on me, and tonight I’ve got my first date since. I’m pretty excited about it, as she’s a fairly well-known person and has both looks and money. A celebrity. The money bit suits me down to the ground, especially since the now-ex-wife will try to get at least half of what’s mine.

It’s important that I impress, so I thought I’d pick the new woman up in a brand-new Lamborghini. A white one. Well, the stupid car dealer had only one Lamborghini and it was red. You’d think with a cash sale they’d make a bit of an effort. There wasn’t time to search around for a white Lamborghini because I need it tonight, so I bought the red one. And now I have to go and change my entire wardrobe.

See what I mean?