2632. The invisible cloak

Well! What a successful night Percy the Goblin had. He was returning home after scaring the living daylights out of most of the villagers. His invisible cloak – or rather the cloak he wore to make himself invisible – had been the best thing he had ever bought. When he had tried the cloak on at the stall in the town marketplace, the Witch running the stall said, “It’s you! It’s definitely you! It’s got your name written all over it!”

Who could resist such encouragement? He purchased it instantly. Of course he probably paid too much for it, but he asked for a written receipt so that he could manually change the purchase price and then his wife would say, “Goodness! You got that for a song!”

He had wandered around the village all night. When he saw a possible victim he would pick up something handy and wave it in the air. It looked like the thing was boogying in the air. He would do a little dance with it and the victims would rush off screaming in fright.

The biggest fright he had given anyone all night was a little old lady with a miniature poodle. Percy grabbed the poodle and waved it about. The old lady screamed and stood motionless. She couldn’t move. She was transfixed. Honestly it was the funniest thing he had ever done in his life.

When he got home he couldn’t wait to tell of his adventures, especially the episode with the little old lady and the poodle.

“Show me!” said his wife. “Pretend I’m the little old lady!”

Percy put on his cloak. He picked up a pot off the kitchen table. “Pretend this pot is a poodle!” He waved the pot in the air. He jived frenetically. He even did the splits (as only goblins can).

His wife screamed with laughter. She was helpless. “It doesn’t make you invisible at all dear. It simply makes the viewer see through all your clothes!”

1982. Invisible aliens

It wasn’t that big – the alien spacecraft on his back lawn. Possibly it had landed on Ted’s lawn because it was private, being surround by a thick hedge. If you were to land a space craft on an inhabited alien planet it is obvious that caution must be observed. Ted went out to see if they wanted anything. No one was about. The alien craft didn’t seem to have even a door that Ted could knock upon.

The craft was there all day. Ted went our frequently but nothing changed. Evening came. Still nothing had happened.

Then it occurred to Ted: they were invisible. If their science had enabled them to travel from a distant solar system it would logical that they also had the technology to render themselves invisible. This was borne out when kitchen cupboard doors began to open and close; not vehemently, but nicely. It was as if the aliens were politely looking for something.

“Look,” said Ted out aloud to an apparently empty room. “If you want something specific just ask. I might be able to help.” The aliens did not respond. Ted got a large piece of paper and a black felt-tipped marker. He put them on the kitchen table. He turned his back. “Just write it down if you are too wary to be seen.”

When Ted turned back he picked up the piece of paper off the table.

“Yes! There’s writing on it,” said Ted. “It says: WHOLE MEAL FLOUR. FOR FUEL. I’m not sure if I have whole meal flour in the house. I shall have a look, and if need be I can go to the shop and get some for you. I usually keep the flour in this cupboard here.”

Ted opened the flour cupboard.

“This one,” said the Superintendent to the psychiatry students, “is a most interesting case.”