Tag Archives: internet

1113. News from Hickton-in-Sticks

It’s been a month now, perhaps six weeks, since the town of Hickton-in-Sticks got broadband. Mrs Myrtle Beech said it was a great disappointment. She had waited months, even years, to start a blog and thus far nothing had gone viral.

“Nothing has gone viral,” said Myrtle. “The whole thing’s a scam.”

Mr Bristol Port agreed.

“I’d looked forward to broadband excitedly,” said Bristol. “But once you’ve seen one porn site you’ve seen the lot. In fact I get a great deal more satisfaction looking into the mirror. It’s blown way out of proportion.”

Ms Savannah Field thought the whole thing was marvellous. She was the town’s school teacher and the online computer games at least got the kids off their phones.

“It’s great for me as a teacher,” said Savannah. “The kids log on first thing in the morning and by the end of the day they’re reluctant to go home. Computer games are certainly a great boon for a teacher, and getting broadband in Hickton-in-Sticks has improved the quality of education the kids are getting.”

“It’s a scam,” said Myrtle.

“It’s blown out of proportion,” said Bristol.

“Put it this way,” said Savannah. “Things have changed for the better since we’ve got broadband. In the last month only five people from Hickton-in-Sticks have committed suicide.”

316. In praise of the Net


Mrs. Margery Adelaide Dawes, daughter of the late Mr. and Mrs. Oswald Sternberg, decided to research her family tree.

It was possible to research it online. It was only $29.95 a month. Just enter a name here, it said, and let’s see what information is in our data base.

Eureka! Look at that! Someone had already done the research! The tree to which she was connected had already been done. She was descended from Charlemagne himself!

From Charlemagne! There’s a list of his children! Their mother: the Empress Hildegarde of Savoy! WOW! Royal blood! And then down from Emperor Louis I of the Holy Roman Empire! And King John of England! Her blood was bluer than Prince George Alexander Louis of Cambridge.

Thus it was that Mrs. Margery Adelaide Dawes née Sternberg of Stoneybrick in East Hawtonville (population 27) had more misinformation than all the university professors put together.

Margery was asked by her local Genealogical Society to speak at a meeting.

“Let me begin,” she gushed, with a slight hint of royal accent in her voice, “let me begin by praising the Net.”