It’s fascinating to think, said Theodore to his theologically-minded friend, Nelson, that when I’m grinding these coffee beans for breakfast there’s probably twenty million other intelligent beings on other inhabited planets doing the identical thing. Such is the expanse of the universe! Such is its enormity!
Don’t be silly, said Nelson. You’re so closed-minded. Why do you always limit the infinite? In all the trillions of inhabited planets in this universe alone, there’s not a single planet that’s the same. And there’s not a single intelligent being doing the same thing as you. God is not that boring.
It had to happen. It was the earth’s first contact with alien intelligent life. But it was so exasperating.
The aliens acted in such a superior fashion. They had made contact with earthlings via some advanced social media thingamajig. They said they didn’t have the slightest interest in travel, but were very much stay-at-home beings, and weren’t that interested in receiving earthlings on their planet either. They had advanced communication skills, they said. Earthlings were so backward; so inferior.
“Well! Blow them!” said a group of earthling astronauts. The earthlings got into a space craft and headed for the alien planet via some time-warp funnel-tunnel whatchamacallit. When they got there, all made sense. The aliens were hot on communication because they were trees. They were stuck in the ground and couldn’t move about. They nourished themselves via some sophisticated method of photosynthesis, and communicated, communicated, communicated.
That didn’t make them less arrogant though. The earthling astronauts chopped a couple of them down and brought them back to earth to use as firewood – just to teach them a jolly good lesson.