Tag Archives: hunting

1894. Wild game

Pieter had an obsession with wild game. He had tried to eat as many legitimate wild things as possible. He not only hunted them, just one of every variety, but he thoroughly researched the best possible way to cook them. What was the best way to prepare wild pork, for example? Did one devour it with an accompanying apple sauce or perhaps wild blueberry chutney?

His list of tasty wild creatures was comprehensive. His favourite game taste at present stood at wild turkey, although the drumsticks of a wild turkey were quite stringy and tough. It must be because of all the running and scratching these wild birds do. But it was far tastier than the domestic turkey and quite different. People don’t realize.

Of course, although it was legitimate to hunt some things Pieter stopped at having grilled bat. One never quite knew what dingy guano-riddled cave the bats had been in. Besides, Chinese cooking wasn’t Pieter’s favourite form of culinary delight.

Although wild moose meat was good enough there was an awful lot of it. A single animal filled Pieter’s freezer. His wife wouldn’t touch moose – “too gamey” – so Pieter spent months ploughing through the moose carcass. He was not one to waste things, but by the end of it he was totally sick of elk.

There were two creatures on Pieter’s list that he had never tried: wild hare and wild swan. Where he lived one could hunt swan, although numbers hunted by each hunter was limited. Still, one needed only the one to try it. And then Lady Luck stepped in!

A friend gave Pieter a hare and a swan on the same day. The same day! Pieter was ecstatic. “When shall we eat them?” asked Pieter’s wife. Pieter knew exactly what they would do:

HARE TODAY, SWAN TOMORROW.

1754. A-hunting we will go

Ewen was beside himself with excitement. For his birthday his parents had given him a gun. It was the opening of the deer hunting season. Ewen would go with his father as he always did but this time he would have his own gun.

His father had given him lessons in firearm safety, and he’d attended evening courses on safety when hunting.

So off they went on their expedition, as did hundreds of hunters from all over the country! In his excitement Ewen had rummaged through the Christmas decorations and found one of those fun Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer pair of antlers that people sometimes wear on their heads at Christmas time.

A-hunting we will go,
A-hunting we will go
Heigh-ho, the derry-o,
A-hunting we will go.

Ewen and his father didn’t have to go far before there was some action.

1655. Shooting rabbits

(Thanks to ARANEUS1 for the opening sentence).

Lying in the grass on the side of the hill he would have had an excellent view of the valley if it hadn’t been dark and he hadn’t been dead. The corpse seems to have his foot caught between two rocks and was in a sitting position. It was in an advanced stage of decomposition. The head was all decayed and only the bones remained. The body was dressed in a brown coat, singlet, and trousers, and a brown knitted beanie was found lying close to it, while a plastic shopping bag containing a dead rotten rabbit’s carcass lay about two metres away.

Eddie had taken his sister’s teenage boy, Charlie, rabbit shooting in the hills beyond the valley where they lived when they came across the body. It was fun to hunt rabbits by torchlight. The beams of light would catch in the rabbit’s eyes and BANG! Usually Eddie would go out rabbit shooting with his sister’s husband but he’d disappeared some time back. That’s why Eddie went out this time with nephew Charlie.

Suddenly, the sweep of the searchlight caught the corpse of the man.

“What the hell?” said Eddie. They moved closer.

“We’d better go to the police.”

Charlie knew the dead man was his missing father. It was then too he realized for sure a funny feeling he’d had all along; this wasn’t an accident.

1192. The Bubal Hartebeest

Would you believe! Scientists believed the Bubal Hartebeest to be extinct. Yet I saw one! It was possibly the last! It was thought that the Bubal Hartebeest went extinct in 1923 until they were found in the wild. Then in 1950 they were hunted to extinction. Except – I saw one the other day! I saw one in the wild!

I can see why they were hunted to extinction. It was delicious.

602. Duck

© Bruce Goodman 4 June 2015

602duck

It was the hunting season. Colm was out shooting ducks with his good friend, Donald. They were both enthusiastic hunters. Colm shot a duck and Donald shot a duck. It was the same duck. Colm said he had shot it first and Donald said he had shot it first. They got into a huge row and wouldn’t talk to one another.

Colm shot at another duck. He missed the duck and shot Donald.

What a terrible accident!

226. Raymond was practising to kill people

226raymond

Ever since he was a kid, Raymond loved hunting. His father would take him hunting, and they would shoot rabbits and hares and pheasants and quail and ducks. Once he shot at the neighbour’s cat with his air rifle. His father gave him a good beating for that, to teach him a lesson: you kill only to eat.

But now he was all grown up and practising to kill people. There had been a change in his life. He was as regular as clockwork. Every Tuesday and Thursday he would go to the rifle range and hone his shooting skills. Practice makes perfect. He wouldn’t want to start killing people until he could be sure not to miss. He got better and better at it. Soon he could do it for real.

He loved being in the army.