2643. To be open

The headmaster of the high school was a raging alcoholic. Frequently in the evenings, especially on a Friday and on weekends, he would be seen on the street by students of the school. He would be clutching a paper bag with a bottle inside, and be saying “How do you do?” to anyone who passed by.

Things were getting serious. A group of parents decided to confront him. He accepted what they said. He said he would admit to his problem and join an Alcoholics Anonymous program. To help him face it, he wanted to speak to the oldest students of the school, admit to his alcoholism, and ask for their support.

The students gathered. The headmaster entered the room. There was a faint smell of gin. He announced to the students that he was going away for a while. He explained why. He asked for their support. It was very moving.

The headmaster then went to leave and walked slap-bang into the closed exit door. The students laughed. All was ruined.

2538. Dunk bucket

The school’s fund-raising gala day had one of those things where a teacher sits under a contraption that has a bucket of water above the head. People pay to throw a ball at a target and if it hits then the bucket tips over and pours water all over the teacher. Of course, everything is taken in a cheerful spirit. There’s hardly a non-nerdy pupil who is not keen to throw a bucket of water over a teacher.

When the Headmaster sat in the contraption no one paid to throw a ball at the target. Everyone hated him; which just goes to show that teachers have to be liked to have a bucket of water thrown over them. The Headmaster was annoyed. He had not brought a change of clothes and had been quite unprepared to sit under the dunk bucket, but he thought he had better do his bit. The teacher who was Head of Chemistry felt sorry for him and paid to throw a ball. The ball hit its mark and the Headmaster was utterly drenched.

No one really minded, although many pretended to, when several days later the Headmaster died of pneumonia.