Tag Archives: hat

1410. In which Constantia buries her husband and buys a hat

After her husband’s death, Constantia hit the bottle. Even during the funeral in church, she was so drunk she had to be supported by her brother and brother-in-law. She kept calling out “WHA! WHA! WHAA!” which people took to be an utterance of grief, but as Constantia’s brother pointed out, it was an exclamation of exhilaration at having come into the possession of gigantic opulence.

A week or so after the funeral, Constantia decided to sober up and get on with life. Insobriety had been her way of covering up for lack of grief.

Constantia celebrated her new found fortune by buying a hat.

931. I think, therefore it is


The repugnant witch told Samantha that the minute she took her hat off she would die.

Samantha didn’t dare even touch the top of her head for another twenty-two years for fear of her hat falling off.

But what the witch hadn’t told Samantha was that she wasn’t wearing a hat.

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