2556. Fish guts

Thank you for your brilliant article on how to gut a fish. For years now I’ve been a fishing enthusiast, but I always leave the fish in the fridge for my husband to gut when he comes home, and then we can enjoy a lovely fish dinner. But now I’m single – again – so your article was timely.

I’ve always been a little embarrassed to ask how to gut a fish. First of all it seems a ruthless business and terribly yucky. Secondly it’s one of those topics one doesn’t really talk about. Did I ever tell you about how I gutted a fish? So your article was wonderful because it tackled the activity head on, taboo or not.

I’ve been practising. The yuckiest, and to me scariest, bit is actually slitting the fish open in the first place. I’m becoming quite immune to it. I’ve taken all my now-grown children’s soft toys, and using the kitchen carving knife, I’ve slit each open and removed the stuffing. It works brilliantly, and now I almost feel confident enough to try it on a real fish. The trouble is that I’ve run out of stuffed toys and I really need to perfect my technique.

Next Thursday I’m going fishing with Madison. She has a goldfish pond. I suggested we meet at her house first.

2117. Selfish people

“I can’t help it!” Rowena shrieked desperately. She was eating a sausage; in fact one sausage after another. It wasn’t a competition or anything; it was simply that she had purchased a container of pre-cooked sausages – twenty-four to a packet – and she had got hooked. A short nuke in the microwave warmed the pre-cooked up in a jiff.

Not that she wasn’t addicted to sausages in the first place. She had always been partial. That’s why she bought them. And they were on sale. So far she had eaten six. There were still eighteen to go.

Common sense prevailed. She quickly opened the freezer lid and threw them in. She would space them out. So as not to be tempted she donned her raincoat, took the umbrella, and went for a walk.

When she got home her son’s football team were there and they had eaten all the sausages. It was a post-match “where did we go wrong?” review.

Rowena didn’t say a word but she was glad they had lost. “Some people are born to be selfish,” she said.