Tag Archives: greed

1473. Fat Ferdinand’s fate

Ferdinand was the most selfish cattle beast in the herd. For example, when the cattle were all driven through a gate into a fresh pasture, every animal would begin to eat the grass just inside the gate. Not so, Ferdinand.

Ferdinand would stroll to the far end of the field away from all the other beasts. That way he wouldn’t have to share. He had all the fresh grass in the world. Several days later, by the time the herd reached the far end of the field they would say to one another, “Where has our grass gone? How come there is no long grass here in the field? Someone selfish must have been eating it.”

That is why Ferdinand was the fattest bull in the herd (and therefore the first to go to the slaughter house).

1463. A valuable lesson

Boris had been caught dipping his fingers into the till. The judge gave him prison with hard labour. He was put in a gang whose task it was to pick up all the junk on the side of the road that people has thrown out of their cars. The overseer had warned the prisoners that if they found anything of value, such as a five dollar bill, they should hand it in; even a dollar coin.

Boris thought that was governed by greed. The overseer was a megalomaniac. Boris couldn’t stand his guts. The supervisor was always cruel and unreasonable.

And would you believe it? Boris was picking up bits of trash and putting it in a bag when he came across a hundred dollar bill. A hundred dollars! He quietly pocketed it. The only reason the overseer wanted any money found to be handed in was because he wanted to keep it for himself.

“Has anyone found anything of value?” asked the overseer at the end of the day.

Silence.

“Has anyone found anything of value?”

Silence.

“You,” said the overseer to Boris, “you found a hundred dollar bill. Where is it? I planted it and I saw you pick it up.”

Silence.

“You only get one chance in N…..,” said the supervisor. He shot Boris in the head with a pistol.

“Let that be a lesson to you all.”

1101. Money talks

Rhoda had this funny feeling; more of a conviction; not merely a funny internal feeling, but a simmering certitude. She thought she knew the winning numbers to that evening’s lottery draw.

Her numbers were 3, 7, 8, 21, 31, and 39. At work that day, Rhoda was telling everyone at the office water cooler that she thought the numbers were 3, 7, 8, 21, 31, and 39. She was going to take a ticket. The prize was 13 million.

She got a few groceries on the way home from work, and was so busy trying to decide which brand of cranberry juice was the healthiest, that she quite forgot to buy a ticket.

The next morning at the office, Rodger of Accounts was over the moon. Did she take a ticket using her numbers? No, she forgot.

Well I did, and I’ve won 13 million, said Rodger.

This set Rhoda on fire:

They’re my numbers and the prize money is really mine. At least half of it. I don’t know what you’re going to do with all that money, you’re just a money-grabbing accountant and you get paid so much that you have money falling out your bum. You don’t need it. As far as I’m concerned it’s my money MY MONEY BECAUSE THEY WERE MY NUMBERS. I’ll take you to court, that’s what I’ll do, unless you give me at least half. I don’t care what it costs me but I’m going to get my hands on it. You’d have nothing if you hadn’t stolen my numbers. THIEF! That’s what you are. A THIEF! I WANT THE MONEY, YOU MONEY-GRABBING WINDBAG OF SOGGY GREED. IT’S LUST, THAT’S ALL IT IS. LUST FOR MONEY. UTTER GREED.

I was just having you on, said Rodger.