Tag Archives: Goldilocks

2255. Goldilocks breaks in again

Goldilocks saw the Three Bears shopping in town so she headed for their house.  There were three plates of grits on the table. She tried each dish. The first dish was too hot, the second was too cold, but the third was just right so she gobbled it up.

Next she sat in a chair. Clearly she had eaten the grits while standing up. The first chair was too big, the second was too small, but the third was just right but it soon collapsed because she had eaten too much.

Next she went into the bedroom to have a rest. The first bed was too lumpy, the second was too bumpy, and the third was too grumpy. Oh goodness me! Oh hell’s bells! Oh shock and horror! She had gone to the wrong house. The Three Giraffes were still in bed.

1714. The incomprehensibility of tragedy

When Goldilocks broke into the Three Bears’ House she had to prise open a window. It came as no surprise to her that after all these years they had at last begun to lock their front door.

The first thing she did upon entering was to eat the porridge. As always one was too hot, one too cold, and one just right. Then there were the chairs to sit upon, and the beds to try. All this was done and she fell asleep in the third bed as was usually the case.

When the Three Bears came home they went through the customary rigmarole of who’s been this? and who’s been that? And there she was lying in Baby Bear’s bed!

She was dead.

“The poison in the porridge work!” cried Baby Bear, jumping up and down excitedly. “Hurrah! Hurrah!”

So enamoured were they with the success of their poisonous porridge that they let it loose on any character in any book they could lay their hands on. They became crazed with success. They became serial killers. First it was Humpty-Dumpty; then Little Red Riding Hood. Then it was Jack and Jill, followed by Snow White, and Mary Mary Quite Contrary. Before you knew it, it was Heathcliff and Cathy Earnshaw, then Lorna Doone, and Jane Eyre. Hamlet was on the list, as was King Lear. And finally came Winnie the Pooh.

Oh what a mistake that was!

What happened to Baby Bear? What happened to Baby Bear? They had murdered one of their own. It was an incomprehensible tragedy.

1236. Goldilocks the Prowler

It was getting to be a bit of a habit. Goldilocks, in retrospect, had so enjoyed invading the house of the Three Bears, that visiting people’s houses when they weren’t home was becoming a bit of a habit. She’d visited the homes of the Three Raccoons, the Three Prairie Chickens, and the Three Coyotes. Next on the list was the house of the Three Beavers.

Goldilocks the Prowler had to put on her swimming trunks to visit the Beavers because they had built their house on the water in the river. But it was no trouble. Goldilocks knocked on their door and of course, as she had suspected, they weren’t home. Goldilocks entered uninvited.

First she sat in the chairs. Then she ate some porridge. Then she went to sleep in one of the beds. While she was asleep a storm swept through. The river flooded, and Goldilocks drowned.

What a silly girl!